I have a love/hate relationship with the song "Blessed be Your Name." You know "blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name..." I'm sure you can Youtube it if its not ringing a bell. However, if you've been in the church long enough, or listened to Christian radio long enough, to me, it's outplayed it welcome. It's cycles through worship services, radio, and has probably been sung at every chruch conference, retreat, and special speaker I've attended. Not that what its says isn't good, but sometimes songs get run into the ground.
Here's my gig with the song. Not long after Logan's wreck, my mother (sorry sisters I don't remember if you attended) and I went to a ladies brunch at our church. Our speaker for the day was the sister of one of the dear members of the church. She had just recently experienced the unimaginable. While driving, she and her family were in a horrible car wreck. She was the only survivor. The wreck claimed the lives of not only her beloved husband, but all of her children. Needless to say, her message struck close to home, as we, my mother and I, sat reeling from the brokeness of our own tragic situation. But here's where the song comes in. Towards the end of her heartbreaking testimony, she began telling of how God used the song "Blessed be Your Name" to minister to her heart. And as she began to recall her encounter with God and this song, she began to sing it.. acapella..voice raised in tenderness...heart overflowing with pain..as she praised God. "When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say Blessed be your name...You give and take away, my heart will CHOOSE to say.. Lord blessed be your name."
I can't even type without tears welling in my eyes. To this day everytime I hear that song I am reminded of that moment. When that precious, broken woman, who had virtually lost everything we hold dear, chose to praise God in the midst of her pain. So maybe that's my problem with the song, not that it's overplayed, but that the words are so hard to swallow.
Thursday was a rough day for me. My special friends had been particurally challenging, and to top it all off..sorry for my TMI.. but in the midst of it all my "lady issues" decided to pay me a visit. Now, I have been so thankful, after all my body has been through that it is working right again. And, for the most part, I have been too busy to put much thought into the fact that this monthly visist means no baby. But Thursday was rough. In the past 2 weeks, I have been around so many babies and pregnant women that I could scream. Not to mention I go to a classroom full of, albeit terrors, but adorable terrors, that fuel my desire. So Thursday meant not only mean no baby, but now we have to start ALL OVER again.
So, as I'm throwing myself a pity party about my day and my situation, and I'm extra hormonal and emotional, and the last thing I want to do is try to be happy, that evening I had planned to travel to Garden with my mother-in-law to hear Chondra Pierce (a Christian comedian). So we get there and I am seated by none other than one of our young friends who is in the prime of her first pregnancy. Let's just pour a little more salt on my wounds. Well (I'm getting to my points, hang in there with me) what do you know, but before Chondra, Pocket Full of Rocks was leading the worship, and guess what song they started singing? Yup. Do I need to say more? It was all I could muster to not be a blubbering mess. It was like God was reaching down to me at that very moment saying "I know you are hurting. I hear your cries, but I am still good and worthy to be praised." I find is so amazing that in the midst of pain, we can always find a reason to praise Him, even if it's simply because of who He is. My pain is not gone, but I take great comfort in knowing that my god is THE God.
As He tenderly ministered to my soul, and as the evening commenced, He opened my eyes to a new revelation. At one point Chondra told a story about a time when she began to act self-righteous..about the burden of having such a crazy schedule, but God needed her to minister to these people..thinking no one else was fit. To which her wise older brother replied "who do you think you are? God doesn't need you, He can find someone else to minister to His people, He doesn't need you, He chose you."
Wow. In reflecting on my current situation with school and with the baby, I realized something very important. And, maybe it's to help get me through til the next month rolls around. But, God doesn't need me to minister to my class, He could have given the opportunity to someone else, but instead He chose me. Maybe I am not pregnant right now because He knows that I would lose focus of the amazing ministry opportunity I have right in front of my face. Wow.
In closing this lenghty self-evaluation, I hope that you are reflective today. There may be rough times, and you may feel like you have the world on your shoulders, but just remember that God has chosen you to be His hands and feet right where you are and that is an amazing gift. And, I can't think of a better way to thank Him than by blessing His mighty, powerful name.
Blessed be His name indeed.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
A Glimpse into my crazy life...
Ahhh..I actually have a moment to sit and breathe.. to think..to write..to relax. Since my last blog I have been through ..no surprise.. a whirlwind of emotion and stress. I have now officially survived a little over 2 weeks of school and I can say it's finally getting a little better. Well, maybe not my kids, but my confidence and comfort level at least. My blog today, and probably most of my blogs, will be about my kids, because they are what consume my days and thoughts. So metaphor land here we come..hang in there with me, I have some background to set up first. However, you may find some humor in the chaos that is life now :).
I have 24 little 6-7 year olds in my class...2 of them have severe ADHD and one of them is either undiagnosed or extremely immature. Now 2 diagnosed problems out of 24 may seem like good odds..but throw in some inconsistent meds, and those 2 pack enough energy for a whole classroom of children. Let me give you a little glimpse into my day yesterday:
Every morning we start off seated on the carpet in front of my whiteboard for our morning message time. Mornings are usually good because sleep is still waring off, but when both of my..lets call them..special friends..are waiting for meds to kick in (sometimes I wonder if they ever do), it can be a little crazy. Ok so I've got all 24 little bodies seated, criss cross applesauce on my rug, and as we are going through our message one special friend is flinging his head back and forth and side to side, sometimes laying down in the front row or stretching out, and the other is touching every child in his proximity. My second, "handsy" friend is either shouting out answers or simply just making "whoooing" noises. That was the first 15 minutes of my day.
After that we proceeded to do a "secret word" activity in which my "whooing" friend decides that our lesson needs the added noise. I can't let this distracting behavior continue, so I calmly go overt to him, bend down and give him 2 options: 1. He can go in the hall and take a coloring break (with my Para of course), 2. He can take Mrs. Harris (my para) to the library..because she "doesn't know where it is". To which he replied by locking his hands on the bottom of his chair and repeatedly told me "No, I am NOT moving." So, I did what only made sense, I picked him up, chair and all, and removed him to the hallway with Mrs. Harris. Funny how my class got real quiet :).
So after calming down in the hall for probably 20 minutes, I decided to give him another shot. Agreeing that he could participate and stay quiet he returned to join in center time. Whats the first thing he does? He goes to our letter magnet station, picks up the letters and flings them at the whiteboard to see if they will stick. Lovely. Lets keep in mind I have 23 other kids I have to keep in order and teach while all of this goes on. Well somehow we made it through the first hour of my morning. After P.E. and Music, he proceeded to hide under his desk until he passed how for the second hour of our morning.
The day was a continuous stream of putting out loud outburts and redirecting him. If he was making noise or talking, he was flinging his dry erase board sock around in the air, touching the other students' desks , blowing into a ziploc bag with individual manipulatives, or moving my board magnets around. Oh yah, and then I have my other special friend on top of all that. Luckily he has his own personal para, but she can't control his vocal chords any better than he can.
Sigh. Are you tired yet? Ok, so here's my metaphor. I was reflecting on my class, and on my day, this morning, and I realized they are a picture of how us humans must look to God. There are those of us who flat our refuse to listen to Him. Who flail around and demand our own way, giving no regaurd to Him. Then there is my other boy, who wants to do right, but he just can't fight the urge to slip back into outbursts and destructive behavior. And then, my immature, undiagnosed kiddo, is like so many of us who are just that..immature. We think life revolves around us and cry when we don't get our way. And lets not forget the other 75% of my class, who, when they think the teacher is distracted, that they have license to do what they want. How many of us look at others and think "Well those people need God way more than I do, and since all of His energy would be better focused on them, I'm just gonna let these little areas of my life slip on by." . And then of course there are my "pet" children. Those who strive to do there best. Those who are so punctual, and quiet, and well seemingly perfect. They are dependable, smart, growing young minds and I love it.
At first I was thinking that we all fall into those different catergories, but in reality don't we all encompass each of those at some point in our lives? Being in the "teacher" position, it made me realize just how frustrated and exhauseted God must get with us. He knows what's best, He just wants to teach us, and love us, but we humans don't always like to listen. Wouldn't it be nice if God would just literally pick us up sometimes and move us from our destuctive behavior? Or redirect us when we need it? Hmmm.. I think He does do that, we just sometimes don't choose to see it. In the end, I realized the most important thing of all.. as frustrating as they can be, I still care and love for each one of them...and I cannot, and will not give up on them. Sound familiar? God loves and cares for us infinity (for lack of a better word) more!
Funny, seems like I'm the one being taught here. God is so good. Let's try to reflect on how our lives must look to our Heavenly Father who only wants the best for us. Love.
I have 24 little 6-7 year olds in my class...2 of them have severe ADHD and one of them is either undiagnosed or extremely immature. Now 2 diagnosed problems out of 24 may seem like good odds..but throw in some inconsistent meds, and those 2 pack enough energy for a whole classroom of children. Let me give you a little glimpse into my day yesterday:
Every morning we start off seated on the carpet in front of my whiteboard for our morning message time. Mornings are usually good because sleep is still waring off, but when both of my..lets call them..special friends..are waiting for meds to kick in (sometimes I wonder if they ever do), it can be a little crazy. Ok so I've got all 24 little bodies seated, criss cross applesauce on my rug, and as we are going through our message one special friend is flinging his head back and forth and side to side, sometimes laying down in the front row or stretching out, and the other is touching every child in his proximity. My second, "handsy" friend is either shouting out answers or simply just making "whoooing" noises. That was the first 15 minutes of my day.
After that we proceeded to do a "secret word" activity in which my "whooing" friend decides that our lesson needs the added noise. I can't let this distracting behavior continue, so I calmly go overt to him, bend down and give him 2 options: 1. He can go in the hall and take a coloring break (with my Para of course), 2. He can take Mrs. Harris (my para) to the library..because she "doesn't know where it is". To which he replied by locking his hands on the bottom of his chair and repeatedly told me "No, I am NOT moving." So, I did what only made sense, I picked him up, chair and all, and removed him to the hallway with Mrs. Harris. Funny how my class got real quiet :).
So after calming down in the hall for probably 20 minutes, I decided to give him another shot. Agreeing that he could participate and stay quiet he returned to join in center time. Whats the first thing he does? He goes to our letter magnet station, picks up the letters and flings them at the whiteboard to see if they will stick. Lovely. Lets keep in mind I have 23 other kids I have to keep in order and teach while all of this goes on. Well somehow we made it through the first hour of my morning. After P.E. and Music, he proceeded to hide under his desk until he passed how for the second hour of our morning.
The day was a continuous stream of putting out loud outburts and redirecting him. If he was making noise or talking, he was flinging his dry erase board sock around in the air, touching the other students' desks , blowing into a ziploc bag with individual manipulatives, or moving my board magnets around. Oh yah, and then I have my other special friend on top of all that. Luckily he has his own personal para, but she can't control his vocal chords any better than he can.
Sigh. Are you tired yet? Ok, so here's my metaphor. I was reflecting on my class, and on my day, this morning, and I realized they are a picture of how us humans must look to God. There are those of us who flat our refuse to listen to Him. Who flail around and demand our own way, giving no regaurd to Him. Then there is my other boy, who wants to do right, but he just can't fight the urge to slip back into outbursts and destructive behavior. And then, my immature, undiagnosed kiddo, is like so many of us who are just that..immature. We think life revolves around us and cry when we don't get our way. And lets not forget the other 75% of my class, who, when they think the teacher is distracted, that they have license to do what they want. How many of us look at others and think "Well those people need God way more than I do, and since all of His energy would be better focused on them, I'm just gonna let these little areas of my life slip on by." . And then of course there are my "pet" children. Those who strive to do there best. Those who are so punctual, and quiet, and well seemingly perfect. They are dependable, smart, growing young minds and I love it.
At first I was thinking that we all fall into those different catergories, but in reality don't we all encompass each of those at some point in our lives? Being in the "teacher" position, it made me realize just how frustrated and exhauseted God must get with us. He knows what's best, He just wants to teach us, and love us, but we humans don't always like to listen. Wouldn't it be nice if God would just literally pick us up sometimes and move us from our destuctive behavior? Or redirect us when we need it? Hmmm.. I think He does do that, we just sometimes don't choose to see it. In the end, I realized the most important thing of all.. as frustrating as they can be, I still care and love for each one of them...and I cannot, and will not give up on them. Sound familiar? God loves and cares for us infinity (for lack of a better word) more!
Funny, seems like I'm the one being taught here. God is so good. Let's try to reflect on how our lives must look to our Heavenly Father who only wants the best for us. Love.
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