Prince of Peace

As we enter into another Christmas season, I once again have been reading through accounts of Christ’s birth in the New Testament.  If you’ve ever done this, you will recall that the book of Matthew begins with the geneolgy of Jesus.  Now, I usually skip over this part because I know that it connects Christ to King David, and that there are FEMALES (Rahab, Ruth, etc) mentioned because of their faith, but other than that it’s a long list of names I can’t pronounce. Therefore, I often don’t feel the need to read through each strand of family members because I get why Matthew started with it- to show that prophecy was fulfilled by connecting Jesus to David and Abraham. (Plus none of those names are potential candidates for my future children). Having said all of that, I felt God encourage me to actually sit down and read through the long list of names I most certainly botched. And boy was I in for a surprise. 

Not only did Jesus come from the line of King David and Abraham, but the Savior of the world came from a lineage of pretty messed up people.  For starters King David was no saint. He took up shenanigans with Bathesheba and had her husband killed, and it’s through THEIR son, Solomon that the descendants continued. Solomon was wise but had his own issues. Kings Amaziah, Uzziah, and Ahaz did terrible things in the eyes of the Lord- idolatry, slaughtering people, pure wickedness, with no regards to God. Rahab was  a prostitute, and even further back in his line is Judah and Tamar.  Long story short on them- Tamar (Judah’s daughter-in-law) tricked Judah into ‘relations’ with him (by posing as a prostitute) so that she could carry on his family line. Oh and Judah was one of the brothers who sold Jospeh into slavery as a boy.  And I’m sure the list of misdemeanors and sinful acts goes on and on. But here is the key:

God didn’t send His son into the world from the lineage of a perfect, well rounded, God-fearing family. He sent his son to be linked to the very people he came to save. The lying, cheating, adulterating, idol worshipping, prostituting, God-abandoning selfish sinners…. like you and me.  Out of wayward hearts, evil men, deaf ears, and ashes, bloomed something beautiful…Hope for all mankind.

Isaiah 9:1-3;6

“The people who walk in darkness Will see a great light: Those who live in a dark land, the light will shine on them. You shall multiply the nation, you shall increase their gladness; They will be glad in your presence as with the gladness of harvest, As men rejoice when they divide spoil….For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; and the government will rest on His shoulder; and his name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

In light of the recent tragic events, let’s be reminded that we have a Mighty God who out of evil can bring about beauty. Our nation needs to remember this Christmas season the reason we celebrate…to rejoice in the hope of the Savior who was born for us so many years ago. I’m sure glad that away in a manger lay the Wonderful Counselor, our Mighty God, our Everlasting Father…and our Prince of Peace. I can't stress enough how important it is to instill the message of hope within our children, our families, and our friends. Our world severely needs the love of Jesus and to be transformed by His amazing grace. 

I don’t know about you, but I’d say we are in need of some serious counsel, a mighty defender, a gracious father and right now we how desperately we need some peace. Praise God for His immeasurable love that flowed through that swaddled little babe and who still reigns.

May God’s spirit and truth fall afresh on you and your family this Christmas season. Love.

Born...again.

Today as I sit in the unstructured spontinaity of my new normal life, I am reminded about the first lesson I learned from this Sophie's birth, and I would like to share :). (it might get long, so please hang in there)

Before Sophie entered the world, we were encouraged by our Dr. to attend a labor and delivery class to better prepare ourselves. We begrudingly went, sat through what could have been summed up in an hour, practiced our breathing techniques, and left early. However, the whole day was not a wash because I did learn a little something about babies.  The instructor described exactly what has to occur in the body and systems of a newborn immeadiately after entering the world in order for the babe to withstand life.  Now, I knew that for 9 months she depended on me for life support, but it never occured to me just what takes place inside that tiny body directly after being 'cut off' from me. ..and it's pretty amazing.  I couldn't remember verbatim what she said, so I looked it up to get the facts straight..so here's a little Didja Know Info-

Once the umbilical cord is cut and the baby takes the first breath, a number of changes occur in the infant's lungs and circulatory system:

• Increased oxygen in the lungs causes a decrease in blood flow resistance to the lungs.
• Blood flow resistance of the baby's blood vessels also increases.
• Amniotic fluid drains or is absorbed from the respiratory system.
• The lungs inflate and begin working on their own, moving oxygen into the bloodstream and removing carbon dioxide by breathing out (exhalation).

After delivery, the newborn begins to lose heat. Receptors on the baby's skin send messages to the brain that the baby's body is cold. The baby's body then creates heat by shivering and by burning stores of brown fat, a type of fat found only in fetuses and newborns.  The liver, intestnal tract, immune system, urinary tract and skin also all begin to undergo changes.  (Info from Medline Plus)

Isn't that AMAZING! In a matter of minutes systems change and begin functioning on their own.  I don't know how people can't believe in an Almighty Creator God when you truly comprehend all that has to take place not only for a baby to be conceived and developled for 9 months, but then to completely, with the snap of a finger, begin to adapt to our world.  It blows my mind!

Now I know all of this is crazy cool, but I post all of this to make a point.  As I was taking in all that happens when a baby is born, it made me realize what it truly means to be "born again" in Christ.  If you've grown up in the church you've heard that you need to be "born again." Which to most sounds like a really silly thing because how can an adult be "born again?" In fact, in John, Nicodemus brings up this exact point to Jesus.  In which Jesus replies:
John 3:5-8
⁵ Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. ⁶ Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit^[b] gives birth to spirit. ⁷ You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You^[c] must be born again.’ ⁸ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”^[d]

So what does it mean to be born again?  Here is what I take from this passage and from the knowledge of actual birth... When we are "born again" the Holy Spirit takes over our hearts and breathes new life within us.  The moment we ask Christ into our hearts, we begin to function and adapt to a new way of life...a Holy life..a beautiful life..a pure life.  When we become a Christian, we are no longer clinging to sin to sustain us, rather in an instant our hearts and minds click over into a new system.. a brand new start..a Spirit filled body. I don't know about you, but this leaves me in awe of our Creator. It gives me hope and it fills me with inexpressible joy. No longer is my past, my shortcomings, my sin, a part of me..they are gone..dead.

Yet I have to wonder how many of us still cling to who we were?  How often do we take for granted this new life and try to survive on our own?  A fifteen year old wouldn't function well acting like a baby in a womb.. there would be no growth, no progress..no life.  Just as a Christian..or person.. can't function well living in sin.

From the moment we are born again, just like a baby, we begin to function in a new world.  And, just like a baby, we as Christians have to learn how to live in this new life.  It is slow at first, everything is new and exciting, and as time goes on we grow and mature. Yet, we still have to lean on the Giver of our new life. Just as a child depends on their parent for discipline, comfort, nuturing,essentials, etc. so must we depend on Christ. It's a journey and a process. There will be periods of frustration, of confusion. Times that we don't know what to do, what to ask, or how to be. But with that comes endurance, patience, blessing and security if we chose to embrace it.

So today I hope that we would be reminded that with Christ we have been given a new life... a life of purity, a life free from bondage..a life of innocence. And if you haven't received it..it's waiting.  All you have to do is cry out to your Heavenly Father and allow Him to deliever you again. Praise be to Him who is able to do imaginably more!

Love

My Ebenezar

Welp almost 3 weeks after my last blog entry and still no baby. I guess all the nerves and panic over uncertainty were a little premature.  Apparently this little girl enjoys where she is and isn't quite ready to make her entrance. My nervousness has now turned to impatience...I'm beyond ready now..it's like Christmas morning times 100000 and I'm stuck at the top of the stairs still waiting and waiting for my parents to give the ok to open my presents..but they just won't say the word...so here I sit hanging somewhere between nervous excitment/antcipation and the brink of insanity :). 

And just when I think I'm about to crack, God decides to melt my heart and give me just that extra push of endurance.

Yesterday in Sunday school I recieved a much needed reminder. I've been so caught up in trying to guess when she's going to come, praying that she will come, doing everything I can possibly do to speed up this process, and yet I have forgotten how sweet this whole ordeal truly is.  Yesterday we discussed the Ebenezar stone- When Samuel took a stone and set it out as a reminder to the Israelites- "Thus far the Lord has helped us." (1 Samuel 7:12) It was a reminder of what the had been through, where they had come from, and what the Lord had done for them.  This is only one of several instances in the Bible where a stone or a marker is placed to stand as a reminder of God's goodness. In fact, I've talked before about my comfy red couch being a reminder to me..but yesterday was different.  As I sat there listening and the question arose "What is your Ebenezar?" It hit me..like duh that's why you go it in the first place..but it's become such a part of me now that I often forget. My Ebenezar is tattoed in dark, black, script, permantely on my left wrist...Beloved.

I've wanted to do a blog about my tattoo for a while..why I got it, what it means, etc., but it wasn't until yesterday that the full impact of it's meaning hit me...and now it is time to share.

Janurary 2011, Logan and I went together to revceive our permant ink.  We had been discussing the matter for quite some time and Logan had drawn several potential candidates.  We had planned on doing it around Christmas time, but alas I was pregnant and we joked that it would have to be postponed.

Two weeks later I lost the baby, and in an attempt to distract my brain, our tattoo date was back on. I got my tattoo for two reasons- 1. To remind me of Logan, his strength, his patience, to connect me to him always, and to remind me of God's power in his life. That's why I had Logan design it and why we went together. The second reason, I thought, was simply because of what it says "beloved" which means dearly loved, and through my life I have seen how dearly loved I am. However that second reason took on a whole new meaning in the light of the tattoo's timing. After being utterly shattered, my heart in pieces, nothing could have been sweeter than to hear God say "child, MY beloved, how dearly loved you are...I know this hurts, but we will get through this.."

And get through it we did. Looking back at the time in my life, the loss of a baby, the heartbreak I endured, I wasn't alone- God carried me all the way.  He gave me the strength to pull through. He gave me a husband and family to hold me, and He whisphered the words over and over.."Child you are my beloved."

And now, a year and a half later, on the eve of a new adventure, I look at my Ebenezar and sit in awe and wonder at how truly amazing and faithful God is. I shouldn't find it odd, because this is how God mysteriously works, but June 27 is not only the due date of my healthy baby girl, but also the date Logan is supposed to be recovered from this surgery- this 9 months of frustrating health problems. He will be recovered, and I will have a baby. God is so good. So today, as I sit, I am reminded once again of the dark ink still scrawled on my wrist...how far we have come..and how sweetly He still whispers "My child you truly are my  Beloved."

May you find your Ebenezar and be reminded of  what God has brought you through, and how dearly loved you truly are.

9 months?? More Time Please!!

Today I am officially 37 weeks pregnant, and according to my Dr. that means baby is full term. I can't even begin to express the overwhelming array of emotions that branch from this news.  I'm a walking ball of excitement, anticipation, humility, awe, and most of all NERVES.  If Soph decided to join us today there is nothing the doctors would do to stop it....in other words D-Day upon us! I've had 9 months to prepare- 9 months to get all the necessary materials- 9 months to go from a waist to a beach ball- 9 months to accept that this is a blessing and God isn't taking her anywhere- 9 months to mentally prepare for the REST of my life to be changed...you'd think 9 months would be enough. :)

Yet here I sit- at a crossroads. On one hand there are so many things left for me to do...finish her bedroom (a baby can't come home to less than perfect right?), clean every inch of the house, prepare a hospital bag, make sure all neccessary care items are organized and in place, read and MEMORIZE what to do with a baby when she's no longer in my tummy, check off my to-do list that I won't possibly have time for when she comes, get a camera, practice using it.. the list goes on and on. 

But on the other hand- I'm so excited, and I'm so ready. I'm ready for my body to quick aching and eventually go back to normal. I'm ready to quick getting kicked in the ribs and having to pee every 30 min.  I'm ready to be allowed to lift things and not be told I should or should not do something :). But most of all I'm ready to behold this precious miracle that is beating within me.  I'm ready to see her face- her eyes, her nose, her little fingers and toes- to see her daddy in her, to smell her sweet skin and hold her close..to see her smile..to see the heartbeat of a little life created out of pure love bestowed only upon us by a Gracious Heavenly Father. To know a new kind of love...

As I take all this in, I can't help but think about our relationship with God. (You knew I had to bring it around to Him eventually :)  I have to wonder if I'm ready for Him.  If He decided to open Heaven and come back tomorow..am I ready to go? Or do I have a few more preparations to make? Do I need more time....  Am I excited?  Am I so in love with my Heavenly Father that I can't wait to see His face?  To see His kind eyes, His gentle smile, to feel His warm embrace..To know a new kind of love..

Phillipians 3:12 says "I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be."

All the preparations in the world will never prepare me for that moment I hold my baby girl. But when that time comes I will be so glad that I tried to be ready.  Instead of panic, I will be able to fully take in that moment and embrace the gift because I was ready to receive it. Being pregnant forever does not sound like a fun idea no matter how much time it buys me... neither does trudging through this imperfect life when I know a land of Glory awaits. Just as Paul kept striving for that final day, I too want to stand with him and know that I didn't just let my time slip by- that I was ready.

Oh what glorious day, Father, when we will see your face and hear to call us home! May our hearts tremble with anticipation, and may we be watching for Your return!

Seeing is Not Always Believing

Hello. Its been awhile. I must say this is the first time since my last post that I have actually felt the need to write.  So, I'm excited.  This morning I awoke in our new quaint country home.  Boxes remain unopened, pictures are not yet hung, yet my heart is so peaceful. Every room in this house contains large, beautiful, white windows.  Everywhere I go, I am surrounded by the gentle calm of the budding countryside and the glow of the morning dew. It's quiet, it's calming, and best of all, I get to take in all in on my big red couch.  Yes, my couch and I have finally been reunited, and silly as it may be, I feel...comfort and peace. :)

On this Good Friday, how appropriatly, once again, that the weather out here is a bit dreary.  Gray clouds paint the sky, as breeze gently rustles cool air through the trees.  This Lenten season has not been as deepening for me, I must admit, as last year.   I am fully aware that I allowed myself to not be intentional about it either.  But this morning, I am so thankful that I live in a community that still respects this Holy weekend, and therefore, I get to enjoy today in peace- no kids, no papers, no chaos :).
This morning I am reminded of verse that was brought up in Sunday School last week.  We have been going through the Easter story, and the following verse was approached in a different light:

Mark 15:16-21
 ¹⁶ The soldiers led Jesus away into the palace (that is, the Praetorium) and called together the whole company of soldiers. ¹⁷ They put a purple robe on him, then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him. ¹⁸ And they began to call out to him, “Hail, king of the Jews!” ¹⁹ Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him. ²⁰ And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him.

The Crucifixion of Jesus

 ²¹ A certain man from Cyrene, Simon, the father of Alexander and Rufus, was passing by on his way in from the country, and they forced him to carry the cross. ²² They brought Jesus to the place called Golgotha (which means “the place of the skull”). ²³ Then they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it. ²⁴ And they crucified him. Dividing up his clothes, they cast lots to see what each would get.


Can you imagine?  His own people put Him in this position, on that cross. These people that Jesus walked with, ate with, talked with, are now shouting insults and spitting in His face.  How quickly the tables turned from their adoration of their glorious victor, to condemnation and hate.  And the soliders?  Was it just a game to them?  Surely they felt some remorse for brutazling an innocent man...yet we see no pity.  How great the physical pain must have been, but lest not forget the agonizing break of His heart as He looked down at His precious children..."Forgive them..for they know not what they do..."

We discussed in Sunday School this interesting turn of events-  That these people had witnessed Jesus do so much, and yet they believed  so  little.  Even until his last moments, the chief priests wanted Him to prove Himself.  Had He not already done that?  He performed miracles before their very eyes...He raised people from the dead! He lived what He preached! And yet.... they could not see.

It's easy for us to sit back and think these people were crazy for not believing, but we, unlike them, know the rest of the story.  I have to wonder even now, how often do we see Him do so much, and yet we believe so little?  I know I am guilty of those haunting words..prove Yourself..just show me and I'll believe more.  But that's just it- He has proven Himself. I have seen His hand, I have felt His cleansing power, I have recieved His life changing grace, mercy and blessings abundant...so why  at times do I believe so little?

I posted this poem from my Lent Devotional last year, but it's so good, I wanted to share it again. May these words resonate through your soul and be our prayer.

AWE-FULL
Great and Holy God
awe and reverence
fear and trembling
do not come easily to us
for we are not
Old Testament Jews
or Moses
or mystic
or sensitive enough.
Forgive us
for slouching in Your presences
with little expectation
and less awe
than we would eagerly give a visiting dignitary.
We need neither Jehovah nor a buddy-
niether the "Great and Powerful Oz" nor "the man upstairs."
Help us to want what we need...
You
God
and may the altar of our hearts
tremble with delight
at
Your visitation
amen.
-Frederick Ohler


Forgive us Father for knowing so much yet believing so little.  May we not be found casting lots at Your feet, but humbly kneeling before them in awe as Your cleansing blood flows down.

Written on My Heart

I love Valentine's Day.  I love the hearts, the pinks and reds, the sparkle, the flowers, and of course the chocolate.  Now, I know some think that it's a "conspiracy" created by card companys to get us to buy, buy, buy. But I think it's just too much fun! How often can you put red, pink, purple, white, and a splash of glitter into your wardrobe and it be ok?  Or fill a room with paper hearts and doyles?  To me, Valentine's is a fabulous day to celebrate love- not just "girlfriend/boyfriend" love, but love itself. 

Growing up, I have spent almost all of my Vday's with my family.  My mom made sure to make this a day about the love of our family.  It also happens to be Riley's birthday, so of course it makes this day double special.  Each Vday, my mom will make a nice meal at home, set the table with candles, flowers, maybe some sequins..nothing short of beautiful and enchanting. On each plate there would be a box of chocolates and maybe a small gift.  It was a time of being together, of making an ordinary day into something elegant and extraordinary. I love Valentine's Day.

 Aside from our era costume party we had last year :), this Vday is one to challenge the rest.  For starters, God revealed His immeasurable love by allowing us to see our tiny baby girl.  We saw everything- from her spine, her tiny fingers and toes, and even the four beating chambers of her heart. It was nothing short of amazing! But my Valentine's day began before I saw that precious gift.  On Sunday, I was once again reminded of the greatest love story any of us can ever experience. As a pre V-day gift, Clinton so graciously sang the special for church- "I'd Rather Have Jesus." As he sang those beautiful words, I was not only overcome with my love for Clinton, but at the love Christ has for us.  I know I've said over and over, but it never gets any less amazing- that Clinton was a gift from God to me. Just as this tiny baby is now.  As I reflected on the the overwhelming and inexpressible joy I have knowing Christ as my Savior, I can boast in those precious words "I'd rather be led by His nail pierced Hands."  For those tender hands have held mine time and time again. 

This Valentine's Day let's celebrate not only our loved ones, but the love story that Christ is writing ever so gently on our hearts. With none other than those precious, peirced hands.

Love you!

Me, Me, ME

"Though the Scriptures insist on God's initiative in the work of salvation- that by grace we are saved, that the Tremendous Lover has taken to  the chase- our spirituality often starts with self, not God. Personal responsibility has replaced personal response.  We talk about aquiring virtue as if it were a skill that can be attained, like good handwriting or a well-grooved golf swing.  In the penitential seasons we focus on overcoming our weakness, getting rid of our hang ups and reaching Christian maturity. We sweat through various spiritual exercises as if they were designed to produce a Christian CHarles Atlas. Though lip service is paid to the gospel of grace, many Christians live as if only personal discipline and self-denial will mold the perfect me. The emphasis is on what I do rather than was God is doing. In this curious process, God is a benign old spectator in the bleachers who cheers when I show up for morning quiet time....We believe we can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps-indeed, we can do it ourselves." Brennan Manning

Um wow.
Legalism: noun

1. strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence, to law or prescription, especially to the letter rather than the spirit.

2. Theology .

a. the doctrine that salvation is gained through good works.

I'm not writing to get a debate started about legalism. I don't know much about it, but it seems pretty straight forward. People try to earn their way into salvation. This passage screams legalism to me. How, proclaim as we may, this grace so Amazing, we still strive to do it on our own.  We cross our fingers hoping that if we do this enough or don't do that, then maybe, in the end we'll attain the perfection necessary for the Kingdom.  Thus, completely nullifying the utterly incomprehensible act of grace.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and not by your works, it is a GIFT from God, so that no one can boast. -paraphrasing Ephesians 2:8

Yes, works are important, as a Christan we are called to humble ourselves, to serve God and his children, out of passion and love, however we cannot do this on our own.  I have read this verse countless times and today what stuck out to me was this "so that no one can boast." Our works won't save us, there is nothing we can do to claim "I lived right, so I made it to Heaven." We can never obtain perfection on our own, and we get caught in the lie that we can. That this grace is a nice thought, but it can't really be all that's required. And how exhausting to live like that?

I could go on about grace verses works, but my real point today was this quote that smacked me upside the head this morning. "The emphasis is on what I do rather than was God is doing." Wow. As I pondered that, I thought, how do we switch the focus off of us and onto God?  We are egocentric by nature, how do we shift from "me, me, me," what "I'm doing" to what God is doing?  And in light of recent events...maybe even add what we think He isn't doing, to the reality of what He is doing. The only thing I could come up with was to actively think about and list how I know He is working.  When we take time to remember our blessings, to take a look around, it might not be personal growth, but He is moving in our nation, in our colleges, in our loved ones, our churches.  Maybe we start to accept grace and understand it when we once again change our perspective.  To clear our "me" colored lenses and focus them on the God of the Universe. I think we'll find He is still a God of wonder, a God of action.

And He is probably a lot closer than you think.

The Grief Anticipation Virus

I struggle with doubt.  Not the kind of doubt that God is unable to perform miracles, but the kind of doubt that wishpers "He can, but He won't." I often feel like the father who cried out to Jesus "Help my unbelief!" Secretly hoping that this will blanket my impending doubt that God will act.  How silly of me to think that I can hide my feelings from the one who created them in the first place!

I know why I struggle with doubt.  I have fallen on my face, bled my heart out before God, begging him to heal my brother...and no answer comes.  I have fallen on my face in deserpation for a child, to only have that gift be snatched away.  I have countlessly cried out to our maker for family members to be restored, for relationships to be mended, for the healing of many...and yet I often feel like my prayers fall on deaf ears.  Maybe not so much deaf ears, but ears that continually answer "no." I think, if I pray enough, if I do devotions enough... if I ....enough... or maybe it's me..something is wrong with me..my past..my selfishness...and so God won't answer.

I recently had coffee with a friend and she metioned struggling with living in a state of "grief anticipation." Maybe that is the name for my current condition.  Just as Pavlov's dogs were conditioned to salivate at the sound of a bell, I too have become conditioned in my own way- to anticipate disappointment. 

I anticiapte disappointment to the point that I find myself unable to truly experience real joy when it comes along.  For weeks I have been haboring exciting news... almost a year after losing our baby, I can happily proclaim that I am almost 15weeks pregnant!  I have been waiting for the right moment to share the extreme elation I had over this answer to prayer, and yet I just never felt the moment would come.  I have been much more reserved this time around, so much so, that I almost wanted to keep it a secret until it was too obvious to hide.  If I revealed this precious treasure...I would wake up and it would be gone.  Even now, after successfully making it through the first trimester,  I still cling to the hope of that next appointment..that next evidence that yes..baby is real. 

I know I have a problem, and I'm mentally exhausted from living in this bondage.  I recently read an insightful section of Brenan Mannings "The Ragamuffin Gospel" that I would like to share. 

^{In Matthew 18:2-4 Jesus is among his disciples and ...
2} He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. ³ And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴ Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Manning goes on to say:
"The child is unself-concious, incapable of pretense. The child doesn't have to struggle to get himself in a good position for having a relationship with God; he doesn't have to craft ingenious ways of explaining his position to Jesus; he doesn't have to create a pretty face for himself; he doesn't have to acheive any state of spiritual feeling or intellectual understanding. All he has to do is happily accept the cookies: the gift of the kingdom. When Jesus tells us to become like little children, He is inviting us to forget what lies behind.  Whatever we have done in the past, be it good or evil, great of small, is irrelevant to our stance before God today. It is only now that we are in the presence of God.
   For the disciple of Jesus, "becoming like a little child" means the willingness to accept onself as being of little account and to be regarded as unimportant." Jesus was well aware of the child's "feelings of shame and inferiority, and because of His compassion they were, in His eyes, of extraordinarily great value. As far as He was concerned, they had nothing to fear. The kingdom was theirs. "There is no need to be afraid little flock, for it has pleased the father to give you the kingdom (Luke 12:32)."

A child accepts a gift without question.  A child rejoices in a gift, because it was freely given to be enjoyed.  Too often we allow our past hurts, mistakes, and adult pretenses to cloud our vision and relationship with the Father.  We put up walls and allow the times of disappointment to rule our trust..our faith. Maybe we reguard ourselves as too important, like the disciples.. "I'm entitled to have this answered! I'm more important than a child, I'm an adult!" Or maybe we don't realize just how truly valued we really are.

If I really reflect on this past year, God has answered prayer, and He has been so faithful and good.  So why do I find myself guarding my heart...just in case?  This is a new year, a new start.  This year I want to be like a child.  I want to leave the past behind and embrace the joys God has set before me.  I have already inherited a kingdom.  I need to start enjoying this gift.  Will there be disappointments along the way? Unanswered prayer?  Of course. Ultimately, I need to get it in my head that God LOVES me, and only has my best interests in mind, as painful as they may be somtimes.  It's all about perspective...and this year, I want mine to be that of the most treasured gift on earth...a child.

P.S... Did I mention that I'm going to be a mommy?!! Oh the joys that await this heart of mine! Praise be to God!