Whew! I have survived my first official week of the school year! One down...yah I'm not gonna look at how many more I have to go..But, this first week is over and I still somehow have my hair intact! I think this calls for a celebration..maybe icecream every night this weekend :). I also somehow managed to get my lesson plans done so I don't have to go up there today or tomorrow..woohoo! And yet, try as I may to block all incoming school related thoughts, they still consume me! One minute I'm secretly dropping a few curse words (ok not really, but sometimes don't they just seem fitting?), and the next I'm finding myself all sensitive and gushy toward those precious little demons. Ok they aren't really demons, they're six, and my 26 year old brain doesn't remember what its like to be that little...thus causing some friction, and at times, chaos.
How do you get a six year old, in the middle of the afternoon, after a long morning, when their brains and bodies scream "We need to play!!" to focus on Math? It's seemingly an impossiblity. And just when I want to throw in the towel, when my stress level is on overdrive, when my adult body wants a rest instead of play time, I'm reminded of why I'm here...for them. I'm not here for the money. I'm not here to gain experience. I'm not here as Clinton's ticket to Dodge. I'm here for them. All 24 whirling tornados of destruction and constant commotion that test every ounce of my humanity. I hate it. I hate that in my heart I know that within each one of those little bodies beats a heart that needs me. Each one of those little souls needs the love and attention from someone who will truly care for them.( No pressure!)
I hate it because I know I cannot do it.
This is the part where God makes His grand appearance. In all His glory and power and might. "I'm here to save the day" *trumpets blasting* I CAN'T do it, but He CAN.
I was reading the story of Joseph today and I was overcome with awe at his faith. Towards the end of the story, Joseph reveals to his brothers his true identity. They beg him for their lives, to just allow them to be his slaves for what they did to him as a child. And Joseph, after being betrayed, sold into slavery, and forgotten by his own flesh and blood, looks at these pitful, worthless brothers and says " “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? 20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. 21 So therefore, do not be afraid;I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (Genesis 50:19-20)
Wow. How did he do that? How did he have the wisdom and the heart to be able to not only forgive his brothers, but to provide for them and to realize that it was God's will? I don't think he did it on his own. I think the Holy Spirit provided him with the strength and the insight he needed. Did you catch what he said? He didn't blame them...his perspective had changed..he knew that God had made good come out of his pain.
So as I reflect on my situation, it might be stressful, it may have me going gray long before my time, but God has me here for a reason. If anything this experience has made me realize even more just how much I need to be feed by God. From His word, from His people, from His spirit.
We are human. We can't juggle everything by ourselves. We have a purpose, but, we need a Savior to help us fulfill it. And I know just where to find Him...He's hidden in my heart.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Cope
Today has been one of those days when I have to rely on the Holy Spirit to intercede for my groanings. I had one of those moments, flat on my face, tears streaming down...utterly lost for words..for sense. How beautiful, how intimate the Spirit of God with in us. Thank you Lord for sending us such a tender helper. Today is one of those days when you realize just how desperately our world needs Jesus. How completely imperfect we all really are. After I had exhausted all tears I read this:
"Jesus Lives- Hope" Sarah Young
"Though difficulties abound in the world, rejoice that I am always with present with you. I can enable you to cope with ANY and ALL circumstances, strengthening you as you look trustingly to Me. No matter how hopeless your situation may seem I assure you that all things are possible with me."
Psalm 46:1- God is our refuge and strength an ever present help in trouble.
Today, or in the future, if you find your heart breaking for a personal situation, for loved ones, or just for our world, please receive hope in the Truth in these words. Love
"Jesus Lives- Hope" Sarah Young
"Though difficulties abound in the world, rejoice that I am always with present with you. I can enable you to cope with ANY and ALL circumstances, strengthening you as you look trustingly to Me. No matter how hopeless your situation may seem I assure you that all things are possible with me."
Psalm 46:1- God is our refuge and strength an ever present help in trouble.
Today, or in the future, if you find your heart breaking for a personal situation, for loved ones, or just for our world, please receive hope in the Truth in these words. Love
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I AM TIRED
I am tired. No, I'm not just tired, I am weary. Definition: to be physically or mentally exhausted...I think I'm both. The term weary carries with it a weight, a lingering sensation of seemingly incurable tiredness. Over the past month I have moved parts of my house several times, driven countless hours, spent days and nights transforming my classroom, tried to unpack my belongings, and as of today I started a three day..all day..orientation with the school district..oh yah and school starts next Thursday. Not only am I physically and mentally exhausted from all of this, I'm emotionally drained as well. Leaving my family, my little home, my comfort, and now preparing myself for a real job, new surroundings, and 22 little first graders.
I am weary.
I don't know how people do it. This is completely naieve, but until you experience it, you just don't realize how much energy is required to have fulltime job and life! I feel like I haven't slept enough, ate enough, exercised enough, fostered my relationships enough, or spent time with God enough. Any little amount of energy I have is being sucked into school right now. I just don't know how people manage a career, a spouse and then throw kids on top of that..and a life! Ah! It's exhausting.
After my long day I decided I needed a small rest (which was very challenging because I knew I'd be giving up valuable time). So after my nap I decided.. ok I need to get my blood flowing, get some sunshine, go on a walk, and spend some time with God. It was during this walk that my weariness hit me. As I walked and talked with God, He laid heavy on my heart the burden of weariness we all carry. At first I felt selfish for making excuses for not being stellar in all areas of my life..chalking it up to "I'm tired." And then I felt Him speak to me about being weary...we are all weary.
I thought about my mother whose heart is weary from loving her children so intensely, about my father, my husband, and those who are burdened with finnacial responsibilities and the daily grind of work. I thought about my sister, whose weary from a broken heart. My brother, who must be weary from the extra mile he must take every day. My loved ones who must be weary from running so hard..who try to push God away. Those who are dealing with the uncertainty of illness. Those weary from constant failure. Those who put all their time and energy into their families or their work and have no room left at the end of the day. Those of us, all of us, who just need rest. We don't get away from it, we can push it aside, we can press on, but the heaviness of it all can linger. Sometimes we just need to rest.
"Jesus Lives" -Resting in Him
"I know how weary you are and how desperately you need soul-rest. Even when your body is still your thoughts tend to go hither and yon...I already know what you're thinking so you have nothing to hide. You need to wait in my Presence, giving me time to help you think My thoughts. Though you may feel as if you're wasting time, you are actually doing the opposite. Your steps will be fewer but you will accomplish much more, for you will be staying close to Me- THe Way the Truth, The Life. No matter how strenuous your journey, you can find soul-rest in My company."
Oh how we need a soul-rest.
"Come to me all you who are heavy burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
Music is sweeter after a rest- may our lifesongs remember this beauty.
I am weary.
I don't know how people do it. This is completely naieve, but until you experience it, you just don't realize how much energy is required to have fulltime job and life! I feel like I haven't slept enough, ate enough, exercised enough, fostered my relationships enough, or spent time with God enough. Any little amount of energy I have is being sucked into school right now. I just don't know how people manage a career, a spouse and then throw kids on top of that..and a life! Ah! It's exhausting.
After my long day I decided I needed a small rest (which was very challenging because I knew I'd be giving up valuable time). So after my nap I decided.. ok I need to get my blood flowing, get some sunshine, go on a walk, and spend some time with God. It was during this walk that my weariness hit me. As I walked and talked with God, He laid heavy on my heart the burden of weariness we all carry. At first I felt selfish for making excuses for not being stellar in all areas of my life..chalking it up to "I'm tired." And then I felt Him speak to me about being weary...we are all weary.
I thought about my mother whose heart is weary from loving her children so intensely, about my father, my husband, and those who are burdened with finnacial responsibilities and the daily grind of work. I thought about my sister, whose weary from a broken heart. My brother, who must be weary from the extra mile he must take every day. My loved ones who must be weary from running so hard..who try to push God away. Those who are dealing with the uncertainty of illness. Those weary from constant failure. Those who put all their time and energy into their families or their work and have no room left at the end of the day. Those of us, all of us, who just need rest. We don't get away from it, we can push it aside, we can press on, but the heaviness of it all can linger. Sometimes we just need to rest.
"Jesus Lives" -Resting in Him
"I know how weary you are and how desperately you need soul-rest. Even when your body is still your thoughts tend to go hither and yon...I already know what you're thinking so you have nothing to hide. You need to wait in my Presence, giving me time to help you think My thoughts. Though you may feel as if you're wasting time, you are actually doing the opposite. Your steps will be fewer but you will accomplish much more, for you will be staying close to Me- THe Way the Truth, The Life. No matter how strenuous your journey, you can find soul-rest in My company."
Oh how we need a soul-rest.
"Come to me all you who are heavy burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
Music is sweeter after a rest- may our lifesongs remember this beauty.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Love Me!
Over the past, well less then 24 hours, my heart has been broken for several reasons. I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions, as storms raged in my soul. Heart broken over loved ones, over situations where I put my heart on the line, only to seemingly get it crushed, but most of all heart broken by situations that cannot be fixed by man alone. And as the rain poured down, it was so evident to me of our need for a Savior. As I watched all that transpired, it was clear that heart break is a result of a place that is not our home. Human beings will fail, but God never will.
I wanted to share a story with you that I had during one of the storms. Riley, my precious baby Riley, shared with me a beautiful insight she recently received from a friend. (I probably won't get all the words verbatum, but you'll get the gist)
Riley was discussing with a friend how Riley feels like she loves so selfishly. How when she loves someone, she wants all of that person, their time, their attention, their affection, and vice versa. She wants to out pour her love on them as well. She was expressing how hard it is when the love is not returned because when she loves, she loves so passionately. Her friend, in gracious wisdom replied.
"Riley, it is a gift from God that you can love that intensely. But you know what else? That is exactly how GOD loves YOU."
To which Riley responded to me "God is just crying out to me.. "love me! love me!"
Wow. What a beautiful picture of the love that Christ has for us. The truth in these words pierces my heart. During times of heartache and storms, when we push God away, when we rely on fallable human beings to fill us, when we love so fiercly it hurts, may we remember this truth. Just as we love with a jealous love, so our God loves us that much more, and He is the only one who will never fail us.
Do you hear Him calling?..... Love me! Love me! Child, I am here!
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed. says the Lord who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10
I wanted to share a story with you that I had during one of the storms. Riley, my precious baby Riley, shared with me a beautiful insight she recently received from a friend. (I probably won't get all the words verbatum, but you'll get the gist)
Riley was discussing with a friend how Riley feels like she loves so selfishly. How when she loves someone, she wants all of that person, their time, their attention, their affection, and vice versa. She wants to out pour her love on them as well. She was expressing how hard it is when the love is not returned because when she loves, she loves so passionately. Her friend, in gracious wisdom replied.
"Riley, it is a gift from God that you can love that intensely. But you know what else? That is exactly how GOD loves YOU."
To which Riley responded to me "God is just crying out to me.. "love me! love me!"
Wow. What a beautiful picture of the love that Christ has for us. The truth in these words pierces my heart. During times of heartache and storms, when we push God away, when we rely on fallable human beings to fill us, when we love so fiercly it hurts, may we remember this truth. Just as we love with a jealous love, so our God loves us that much more, and He is the only one who will never fail us.
Do you hear Him calling?..... Love me! Love me! Child, I am here!
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed. says the Lord who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10
Monday, August 1, 2011
A Dream, Some Pixe Dust, and God
So last night I had a dream. Not a Martin Luther King kind of dream, an actual sleeping dream. Now, in the past I've been mocked by my family for the length, strangeness, and uneccessary details of my dreams. So for today's purpose, I will try to keep it short, but I have a feeling I will already fail at this attempt. Needless to say, dreams are usually odd and sporatic, so I will try to make as much sense of it as I can.
So, in my dream, I was on a large like mega bus that for some reason had to stop for a detour. As the people were filing off of the bus, I noticed that we were forming two different groups while we waited. One group was comprised of people who lived by the world's standards. Drunks, druggies, atheists,..basically all non-believers were filing into a pizza parlor area to fill their time. A handful of others, including my family and I, were left standing on the corner of the sidewalk while the bus was in repair. Our small line was not partaking in sinful activity. As I stood there and watched people one by one shuffle off the bus, I began to panic at the thought of all these people chosing a life of sin. I realized that we needed to be actively encouraging them to stay on the sidewalk with us believers.
Enter the small jar of pixie dust. (it's a dream!) I don't remember how I got the sparkling substance, but I do remember that as people were passing by I would beg them to remember God, and to remember good. As I did this, I would either let them smell the dust, or blow a little in their face. This magical dust must of had the aroma that triggered the right memory, because it opened their eyes and they realized their need to join us. Soon, our line began to grow, as we attempted to stop people from entering the evil pizza parlor. But, as we continued to wait for the bus to come back, our line began to dwindle. The people on the sidewalk began to get tired, to get thirsty, and the dust began to wear off. In the end, our line reverted back to it's original few. My heart was heavy.
Here is what I felt God say to me this morning about this dream.
We are in a war right now, every day, for those souls who want to go the pizza parlor route. Who scoff at us, who are too lost, too self-absorbed, too stubborn, too weak to live a life for Christ. Everyday people pass by as we stand on the sidewalk waiting for our Savior, and we let them.
Enter the pixie dust...an aroma..a reminder..an inticement.
2 Corinthians 2:15-16 says:
15 For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life.
2 Corinthians 5:17 also says:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, then he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come."
If we are in Christ, then we are a new creature.. a creature that emits a sweet aroma. If our salvation is pleasing to God, I would venture to say that as we strive to become more like Him, our lives let off a sweet fragrance to those around us. Don't you want people to be drawn to you because you smell like warm, homemade, love and comfort? That light that shines on your face, that Christ-like attitude that flows through your words and actions...God can use that to draw people near to Him.
How often though, we as Christians, forget that we possess this "magical dust." We become tired, and hungry, and begin to forget what we have living right inside of us. The dust starts to wear off. Let's not find ourselves etching our way to the pizza parlor, or letting anymore slip by unnoticed. Let's instead embrace the tools we have with us to share Christ. Remember who lives in you, and make a conscious effort to spread that pixie dust around. There is no sweeter smell than the fragrance of a joyful life in Christ. Happy dusting!
Love.
So, in my dream, I was on a large like mega bus that for some reason had to stop for a detour. As the people were filing off of the bus, I noticed that we were forming two different groups while we waited. One group was comprised of people who lived by the world's standards. Drunks, druggies, atheists,..basically all non-believers were filing into a pizza parlor area to fill their time. A handful of others, including my family and I, were left standing on the corner of the sidewalk while the bus was in repair. Our small line was not partaking in sinful activity. As I stood there and watched people one by one shuffle off the bus, I began to panic at the thought of all these people chosing a life of sin. I realized that we needed to be actively encouraging them to stay on the sidewalk with us believers.
Enter the small jar of pixie dust. (it's a dream!) I don't remember how I got the sparkling substance, but I do remember that as people were passing by I would beg them to remember God, and to remember good. As I did this, I would either let them smell the dust, or blow a little in their face. This magical dust must of had the aroma that triggered the right memory, because it opened their eyes and they realized their need to join us. Soon, our line began to grow, as we attempted to stop people from entering the evil pizza parlor. But, as we continued to wait for the bus to come back, our line began to dwindle. The people on the sidewalk began to get tired, to get thirsty, and the dust began to wear off. In the end, our line reverted back to it's original few. My heart was heavy.
Here is what I felt God say to me this morning about this dream.
We are in a war right now, every day, for those souls who want to go the pizza parlor route. Who scoff at us, who are too lost, too self-absorbed, too stubborn, too weak to live a life for Christ. Everyday people pass by as we stand on the sidewalk waiting for our Savior, and we let them.
Enter the pixie dust...an aroma..a reminder..an inticement.
2 Corinthians 2:15-16 says:
15 For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life.
2 Corinthians 5:17 also says:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, then he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come."
If we are in Christ, then we are a new creature.. a creature that emits a sweet aroma. If our salvation is pleasing to God, I would venture to say that as we strive to become more like Him, our lives let off a sweet fragrance to those around us. Don't you want people to be drawn to you because you smell like warm, homemade, love and comfort? That light that shines on your face, that Christ-like attitude that flows through your words and actions...God can use that to draw people near to Him.
How often though, we as Christians, forget that we possess this "magical dust." We become tired, and hungry, and begin to forget what we have living right inside of us. The dust starts to wear off. Let's not find ourselves etching our way to the pizza parlor, or letting anymore slip by unnoticed. Let's instead embrace the tools we have with us to share Christ. Remember who lives in you, and make a conscious effort to spread that pixie dust around. There is no sweeter smell than the fragrance of a joyful life in Christ. Happy dusting!
Love.
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