Survival of the Fittest

Whew! I have survived my first official week of the school year! One down...yah I'm not gonna look at how many more I have to go..But, this first week is over and I still somehow have my hair intact! I think this calls for a celebration..maybe icecream every night this weekend :). I also somehow managed to get my lesson plans done so I don't have to go up there today or tomorrow..woohoo! And yet, try as I may to block all incoming school related thoughts, they still consume me! One minute I'm secretly dropping a few curse words (ok not really, but sometimes don't they just seem fitting?), and the next I'm finding myself all sensitive and gushy toward those precious little demons. Ok they aren't really demons, they're six, and my 26 year old brain doesn't remember what its like to be that little...thus causing some friction, and at times, chaos.

How do you get a six year old, in the middle of the afternoon, after a long morning, when their brains and bodies scream "We need to play!!" to focus on Math? It's seemingly an impossiblity. And just when I want to throw in the towel, when my stress level is on overdrive, when my adult body wants a rest instead of play time, I'm reminded of why I'm here...for them. I'm not here for the money. I'm not here to gain experience. I'm not here as Clinton's ticket to Dodge. I'm here for them. All 24 whirling tornados of destruction and constant commotion that test every ounce of my humanity.  I hate it. I hate that in my heart I know that within each one of those little bodies beats a heart that needs me. Each one of those little souls needs the love and attention from someone who will truly care for them.( No pressure!)

I hate it because I know I cannot do it.

This is the part where God makes His grand appearance. In all His glory and power and might. "I'm here to save the day" *trumpets blasting*  I CAN'T do it, but He CAN.

I was reading the story of Joseph today and I was overcome with awe at his faith.  Towards the end of the story, Joseph  reveals to his brothers his true identity. They beg him for their lives, to just allow them to be his slaves for what they did to him as a child.  And Joseph, after being betrayed, sold into slavery, and forgotten by his own flesh and blood, looks at these pitful, worthless brothers and says " “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? ²⁰ As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. ²¹ So therefore, do not be afraid;I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (Genesis 50:19-20)

Wow. How did he do that? How did he have the wisdom and the heart to be able to not only forgive his brothers, but to provide for them and to realize that it was God's will?  I don't think he did it on his own.  I think the Holy Spirit provided him with the strength and the insight he needed. Did you catch what he said? He didn't blame them...his perspective had changed..he knew that God had made good come out of his pain.

So as I reflect on my situation, it might be stressful, it may have me going gray long before my time, but God has me here for a reason. If anything this experience has made me realize even more just how much I need to be feed by God. From His word, from His people, from His spirit. 

We are human. We can't juggle everything by ourselves. We have a purpose, but, we need a Savior to help us fulfill it. And I know just where to find Him...He's hidden in my heart.