Whispers: A Poem

I finished ready Crazy Love, and if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. This book as challenged me in many ways.  To be honest, it kind of scares me to think about what I feel I need to change in my life.  I would like to post about what I have been learning later, but for today, this free verse poem speaks to what I've been wrestling with in my soul.  Am I going to really start letting God have complete control? Or am I going to stay comfortable with this easy life of flowery words and fuzzy feelings?

Heart constricting, thoughts running wild

Fear consumes me, just make it stop

Toss and turn, can’t turn it off

The darkness suffocates me, is it really worth it?

All I know is what is in front of me

Each step taken so carefully, comfort at every turn

Just close enough to see, but not enough to leap

I proclaim with my mouth, this grace so amazing

Yet in my heart I fear surrendering to the call

To release my grip, to stumble through shadowed halls

Narrow is the way, and few will pass

Will my footsteps lead me there?

Take off this mask and look in the mirror

A lifeless, trembling  charade sneers back

Jaded, prideful, self-righteous at best

A whitewashed tomb rotting below

To take up my cross means losing it all

Will I be able to bear it’s load?

Father, your whispers are harder to hush

Please help me to uncover my ears

In my perfect world of cushioned dreams

My soul will ever be parched

For try as I may, this thirst will not be quenched

Lord, pick me up, carry me through

Take this trembling decaying flesh

And lead me with your steady hand

You filled my lungs with breath and told my heart to beat

Who am I to tell the musician how to play?

Take this life of rigid notes and compose Your melody

For in my weakness You supply my strength

Help me release this controlling insecurity.

Shhhh It's a Secret

Sitting in our new home, Starbucks, I am watching my baby sister hard at work attaining her new barista status.  It seems like only yesterday I was watching her play barbies, growl at my friends, and adorn herself in frills.  Alas the days of tucking her in, telling her what to dream about, and laughing at her childhood dramatizations are now over.  I must admit I am pulling the "mom card" and feeling a bit weepy at this bittersweet moment.

Reflecting on the little sister still deep inside, I am reminded of her 13th surprise birthday party.  I was of course in college at the time, and for some strange reason, MNU doesn't consider Valentine's day a holiday to close school, however I made the journey home that weekend anyways.  Now in preface to this story, being a Valentine baby, and "the baby," her birthday was, and is, always a major ordeal. In fact, I'm not sure she knows yet that Valentine's day is not in celebration of her birthday. Even to this day, we still go all out for her birthday. Having said all that, for me to not come home to celebrate would have been extremely disappointing.  So back to my story.

Now, Riley had no knowledge of me coming, but the rest of my family did. I had it all planned out. I even got home early to set up the dinning room of our house to accomodate her friends.  The table was set, glitter was thrown about, food was ready, friends were invited, and games were in place.  After making the necessary preparations, I hid in the back of the van to pick Riley up from school.  When we arrived, I popped out of the back and gave her the surprise of her life! She was so overwhemled she started crying! And that was just the beginning! The evening went off without a hitch. Her friends slept over, we played games, ate food, and  in the end produced gut busting memories we'll cherish forever. Twenty four hours prior to the surprise, Riley had not been expectating anything so spectacular, in fact I would venture to say she was even a bit hurt that I would not be returning for her special day.  But in the end, when my little secret was revealed, it made all that disappointment worth it, because it was wonderful.  We still talk about it.

I say all this today because I am reminded that God has secrets He keeps from us until the proper time.  Instead of getting caught up in "when will you answer! why did you do this?! etc." lets remember that He knows something we don't. He has a spectacular party, or answer, or blessing He's keeping to Himself, so that the end will be that much sweeter. Today I just have to smile. I like knowing, and reflecting that God has little secrets and surprises planned for me when I chose to seek Him. 

The days of barbie playing might be long gone, but to me Riley is proof of God's little surprises.  She has defintely experienced her share of disappointments, heartache, and waiting, but I look at her and see a beautiful, compassionate little soul, ready to embrace adulthood. Two months ago, when she was applying for jobs, and contemplating, questioning, and searching, little did we know that Starbucks lurked around the corner.  I can't wait to see what surprises God has instore for her life. In the end, I hope that God will find us faithful, and when we are least expecting it, He will show up in all His glory and knock our socks off!

Deuteronomy 29:29 (New International Version, ©2010)

 ²⁹ The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.

Jeremiah 29:11

Have a beautiful, blessed, expectant Saturday! Love!

Can't Get Enough of that Love Stuff

Ephesians 3:16-18
 ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.


This is one of my favorite verses, partly because it is one that I memorized at an early age, but mostly because of it's mind blowing reminder.  Today I read this verse in my devotional, and although I've heard it, said it,and turned to it many times, I looked at it a bit differently today.  I actually read my Bible commentary for once, and you know what? It said some good stuff. :)

I've always read this verse and thought "to know that God's love encompasses us like a huge moving box, means He loves me a lot, that no matter what, He's got a lot of love for me." I've always known that, but to what degree? My commentary explained just how much those dimensions are:
His love is WIDE: It spans the entire world! His love reaches around to all people!
His love is LONG: His love for me will remain with me the ENTIRE length of my life! It doesn't end!
His love is HIGH: He is elated when I am experiencing joys and high times in my life! He is even more excited than I am!
His love is DEEP: Just as He rejoices with me in the high moments, His love reaches down to the depths of my despair and heartaches. Even when I may be at my lowest, and farthest away from Him, His love extends far enough to find me there!

Wow! I've always known He's got a lot of love, endless, unconditional love, but I enjoyed picking this verse apart and really looking at what those dimensions of His love mean!

In light of yesterday's verse/thoughts, I got to thinking, if we are to love God, and in return love His people, shouldn't we first see how He loves us? If His love for us has no bounds and stretches from the highest of heights to the darkest depths, and follows us our entire lives, and then flows out to reach all around the world, then that is how we should first love Him, and then extend that to others. As Christians, we should love God during our highs, down in our pits, as long as we have breath, and then stretch that love out to everyone else, not just our family, or those we call friends,...everyone! If God loves us this much, and we can begin to grasp that love, than it just makes sense that we need to love others the same way! I think it's easy to love my family like that, and of course my husband, but it's a little more challenging to really love God this way, not to mention ...strangers..or that kid who wronged my family.. or that woman who seems to have "everything".. I think you get my point. It's easy to love our family because we are a part of each other, we are comfortable and safe with one another, but to extend that to someone else, or an unseen God is kind of scary. But His word says we don't have to doubt His love for us, it's incomprehensible! We need to start accepting it, living it and giving it!

May our love stretch wide, reach to the highest heights, ascend to the darkest depths, and have no end. Love!

Love Love

The following passage is probably one of the more well known passages in the Bible.  It's been used at weddings, talked about in church, and quoted for years. It is probably familiar to all of us.  Today however, I want to challenge you to put your name in place of the word "love." I did this exercise yesterday reading Crazy Love. I would encourage you to take a moment and do the same.


^{1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
4} Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails. ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I was not surprised to find that I could not truthfully say that I do all of these things.  In fact, I'm probably in violation of all of them at some point or another.  The Bible calls us to be love. In the verses preceeding this passage, Paul claims that we can have all the scriptual knowledge and faith in the world, we can even offer our bodies to our cause, but if we don't do any of this with love than it is meaningless! I like to think that I am a loving person, that I give love to others, etc. but in reality, I fall pretty short. 

I don't know about you, but I want to be able to confidently say that I love like this. But, to truly encompass a love like this, I need help. We can't live this kind of love on our own, we need God to transform our hearts and minds. I don't think I can love people like this if I am not deeply in love with God, because He is the whole reason we love. To be honest, it kind of scares me to fall in love with God, my own humaness just doesn't think I can handle/ or want to handle some of the sacrifice that comes with it. But, I have experienced firsthand His love and witnessed His presence and grace, and if that's what is in store for me, then I want to fall head over heels. May our deepest desire be to truly love God, to not be guilted into a relationship with Him, to not go through the motions, but to passionately pursure a lasting, loving companionship. When we fall in love with God, then loving others will naturally follow.

James 4:8 "Come near to God, and He will come near to you."

This Is Short..I Promise :)

So yesterday I felt like I had been writing a string of rather lengthy blogs, and most of them I felt were somewhat lectures, although that was not my intention. So for the rest of the week, unless I feel led otherwise, I'm just going to put a Bible verse and maybe a short thought or two. I hope that this week you will be encouraged/challenged by the verses on here and that you will meditate on His word!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Rejoice always! Pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ."

Sometimes we defnitely don't feel like rejoicing, and to think of praying ALL day is daunting, but this verse reminds us we should do just that. However, I find that when I decide to rejoice instead of grumble, or when I talk to God throughout my day, those things that so entangled me tend to lose their grip.  I find that even though circumstances might not change, my heart does, because I have the One who made the universe walking with me all day long. I just need to remember to that my biggest help, strength, and closet companion is just a thought away.

Have a blessed, wonderful day!

Spewed

This morning as I was reading, I read several things that really spoke to what I was thinking and feeling.  I was planning on writing about thankfulness, but then I read a chapter in Crazy Love, and whether I like it or not, thats where my heart has led me today. 

This chapter was about being a "lukewarm" Christian.  When I read the title,my immediate reaction was "ugh, I would rather skip over this one" because I was afraid of what I might discover about myself.  I think most of us would either like to think that we aren't lukewarm (half-hearted) Christians, or that we just shrug it off and think "yah, I guess I'm "lukewarm," but I'm saved."

However, Jesus says in Revelation 3:15-17 "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Wow. This is scary stuff. We can't just dabble in some parts of Christianity, we have to be consumed by it, or else Christ will spit us out! He is disgusted with this type of behavior.  So what makes a lukewarm Christian?  Using the verse 2 Corinthians 13:5 "examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves," Francis Chan complied a list of "lukewarm" ideas/actions, and backed them up with Bible verses. So today, I am going to challenge you to test yourself.  You might be surprised at your results.

Lukewarm People...
1. Go to church fairly reguraly because its what "good Christians" do, because it's what's "expected" but there heart isn't really there.
2.  Give to the church, charities, etc. as long as it doesn't effect their standard of living.
3. They choose what is "popular" over what is right in conflicts because they care more about what people think than what God thinks.
4. They gauge their morality by comparing themselves to the secular world. They might not be a hard core Christian, but they are better than "that guy."
5. Say they love Jesus, but only give Him a part of their lives-their time, money, thoughts etc.
6. They say they love others, but love themselves more. They tend to only love people who love them in return, not those who can't love them back.
7. Serve God and others, but there are limits to how much time, money, and energy they are willing to give.
8. Are thankful for their luxuries and comforts, but rarely give to the poor.
9. Do what is neccessary to not feel guilty.  They do just enough to be good enough.Ex: How far can I go before it's a sin?
10. They are concerned with playing it safe, it keeps them from sacrificing for God. They want to be in control.
11. Feel secure in their "titles." Christian, Republican, Saved since age 5, American etc.
12. Do not live by faith. They are secure financially and in their own lives, they don't have to rely on God.

I don't know about you, but there were definitely a few items on this list that spoke to me. Then I started to think about how much this really requires of me, and my heart started to constict, and my stress level rose, and I thought "there's no way I can be what He wants me to be." I was very uncomfortable with what has been brought to my attention. But, that's a good thing.

To sum this up, Francis Chan said " We are all messed up human beings, and no one is totally immune to the behaviors described in the previous examples. However, there is a difference between a life that is characterized by these sorts of mentalities and habits, and a life that is in the process of being radically transformed."  So, today I don't list these to make you feel guilty, but to challenge yourself.  If you, like me, are in the process of letting God radically transform your lives, then you will want to check up where you stand. It would be impossible to attain all of these areas on our own, but what God whispered to me today was that I don't have to do it in my own strength, He will help, I just have to be willing. All I know is that I want my life to be a sweet drink offering to the one who saved me, not some lukewarm, day old, beverage that He spews out of His mouth. Which one do you want to be?

If you are interested in the BIble verses backing up these categories, let me know, I would love to give you a list of the references he used, or you can read "Crazy Love" which I would recommend anyways :).

Man I'm Selfish

Wow..how selfish am I? Yesterday I was ranting about how tired I am..how weary..oh woe is me that I have to pray for people another day...how much of a burden to HAVE to do this eeevverrryy day. Gag. I am disgusted with myself at how pathetic I can be sometimes.  I can chalk it up to human nature, but in reality, I just didn't want to feel burdened by something that would take up MY precious time..again. Today I can honestly say that I prayed to God from a whole different persceptive.  I have started to read the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, and some truths clicked with me today that made me go DUH! Some of you may have read this book and will know what I'm talking about, for others, you may have already realized this in your own journey, but if you're like me, then I hope today you will see God in a different light.

In the book, Francis talked about God being our father and all the entails.  We are called children of God, He is our father.I have known this my whole life, and yet it has just never registered with me what that means to go to Him as a Father.  Just as a parent takes delight in their children, so God does with us! He created us to spend time with Him, to be His pride and joy.  God WANTS and WAITS to spend time with us!

"The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God, but don't want Him most of the time." Chan

Wow.Why do we do that? Why do we pust him away? I've always known that God loves us unconditionally, that He wants a relationship with us..yada yada..but I realized today that most of my relationship with Him is out of fear that I HAVE to be doing this or else. I think we selfishly get caugt up in how much a God relationship requires of us and we just give up because it's too much work. I often fear that he'll be disappointed with me,  that I won't get my prayers answered, etc. if I don't have a rigid Bible study/Prayer time every day. Adding one more thing to my to do list is tiring, and therefore I often don't reap the benefits of a love relationship, rather I burn out easily. But today I realized that's not it at all. It's not about me punching my time in and feeling guilty when I don't talk to him, it's about me changing my persepective. 

My mother and I have a very close relationship.  I call her pretty much everyday, sometimes multiple times a day.  I don't call her because I feel that I "have to" rather I call her because I want to.  I know that she will be on the other end of that phone waiting to hear about my day, about my problems, my concerns, my heartbreaks, my joys, everything because she loves me, because I am her child! It's not a chore to check off my list for the day, I look forward to talking with my mom. I know she is there whenever I need her, and she is there to just love me and give me advice and counsel.  She's not angry with me when I don't call her because we have a secure, loving relationship, and I know she will love me no matter what...and that is what makes me want to talk to her even more!

I want to view God like this, He is my father, and I want that kind of relationship with Him.  Instead of checking off my prayer requests for the day, I want to be in constant communion with Him. He already knows my thoughts anyways, so why not talk to him about everything? He wants to know what concerns me, my joys, my requests, when something was funny, enjoyable, etc. He's just waiting for me to grab His hand, go on a walk, curl up in his lap, anything just to be with me and listen.  Now, am I saying that I don't think daily prayer or Bible reading is important? No way, but I don't want to get bogged down feeling guilty about it.  I want to fall so in love with Christ that I want to, have to, need to talk to him! And, just as my mom is ready with advice, so is He through prayer, his people,His spirit, and most importantly His word!  THe more I start seeing HIm as my loving, father, the more I will want to be like Him. Most children look up to their parents, and our realtionship with God shouldn't be any different.  I could go into the parallels about discipline and other aspects of parenting, but for today I just want to revel in the thought that he truly is my Father!

So this morning when I prayed, we just talked.  We talked about my job yesterday, my silly dog, the fun evening I had, and then it naturally came to talk to him about my longings, my hurts and desires for my family and my friends.  I talk to my mom about these kinds of things, yet I can talk even more intimately with Him about them because He can feel my heart and He knows my deepest emotion.  Wow. So today or this weekend I would challenge you to really picture Him as a loving parent. Take some time to just chat and let your heart guide your conversation.  I guarantee that He will be there listening to you, laughing with you, hurting with you, loving on you, and waiting to give you just what you need.

Ephesians 2:10
Psalm 139 13:18
John 1:11-13

Sigh

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going." Beverly Sills

I am comforted, and yet a bit weary from this quote today.  In our society, we are driven by instant satisfaction.  We want things quicker, better, easier, and now! Over the past couple of days, I am finding myself weary of again praying for the same things.  After such an amazing outpouring of blessings, you'd think I'd be rejuvenated and in full prayer mode. But alas, I find myself wanting those opportunities and more of my prayers to be answered now so I can move on!

But that's not the way it works.  Even though I don't always like it, I hear God telling me to be patient now, to wait and watch. I didn't receive these blessings the first or tenth or hundredth time I prayed them, nope I've been praying for some of these for years! So today I am reminded that the vision God has laid on my heart for myself and for others is not something I can just drive through and pick up. If I were the person I want to be now, or if all of my prayers were answered now, what would I have to strive for? 

This walk with God is a journey full of twists and turns and I don't want to settle for the vacation spot up the road, rather I want to get to my dream destination.  It's hard to wait and to be patient, but let's keep in mind why we are waiting. In time, God's greater plan will be revealed, and oh what a glorious day that will be!
^{Galatians 6:9
9} Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

^{Psalm 73:23-26
23} Yet I am always with you;
   you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
   and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
   And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
   but God is the strength of my heart
   and my portion forever.

Isaiah 40:28-31 
My heart and flesh may fail, I may grow weary along my way, but I take hope in knowing that the end result is far greater than I can fathom. Have a blessed day!

What keeps you from getting weary?

A Dump Truck of Love

I had a long cute intro about teaching this week (which is an answer to prayer in itself), but I erased it because I feel I need to get to the point. So, I apologize in advance at the length of this one, but it's been a while since I've posted and I've got a lot I wanna get out!

So here goes:

On Sunday I blogged about the immense joy I felt from seeing God move and answer prayer. Well my joy has yet to cease! In the past 4 days, I can say that He has either answered or has reveled Himself in at least 5 major prayers that I can think off the top of my head, and that doesn't even include the little stuff I've seen Him doing! It's like He opened the heavens and said "Ok Courtney, get ready, here comes a bucket of blessing and love!" My heart has just wanted to burst these past few days! Now I can be quite a crier, and my family can atest to the fact that when I get the "Praise Jesus" bug, I started wavin my hands, and fanning the tears on my face, because I just can't contain my excitement! Well there has been a lot of hand waving, tear crying, hoopin and hollering from me lately, and I'm PUMPED! When I see God move, I am filled with such an empowering feeling, like my dreams really are going to come true. That all my prayers and desires are right within my reach and NOTHING can stop me and God now! I want to pull on my armor and start leading the army for I am fearless in these moments! I'm like a child on Christmas day wide-eyed and tickled at the sight of my new toys and the adventures that they hold!

But just like the joy of Christmas day comes and goes, so does our rejoicing. Although my soul has been overflowing, I found myself preparing for disappointment.  I kept thinking "this is great God, but now I'm afraid that the rest of the pieces won't come together." Although some prayers were immediately answered, some were only doors being opened, and I'm afraid that those doors will close quickly.  I'm afraid that after all of this movement, that He's going to become silent, and my humaness doesn't want to wait anymore. I don't like rejoicing one minute, and then being fearful the next. Fearful that something bad will happen, that this is my only opportunity, that He's done enough for now, that He might just answer no next time, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being a pessimist about the power of God. What happened to my childlike faith?

When my brother had his accident, I would sneak downstairs at night, place my hands on him and BEG God to heal him. I would cry til exhaustion, and I would invision my outcome so ferociously that I just KNEW my prayers were going to physically heal him. But they didn't, and I started questioning the power of prayer. In these past few days God has brought this to my attention. He has told me to look at my unbelief and to get over it. What am I so afraid of? Has He ever not taken care of me? Even at my most gut wrenching, heart breaking, can't go on moments, He has been there, and His sweet presence and peace have gotten me through.  Why am I so afraid of unanswered prayer? He has said no before, and yet He helped me survive. Just because He said no, doesn't mean He didn't move in a different, better way.

I'm tired of just believing when I see an outcome. I want to be a person of vision. Having a vision, and believing that God is, and will move one way or another, is what Faith is all about. I want to be on fire for Him. I don't want to pray and think well maybe it will get answered, but probably not. No, I want to believe that He will answer, and He will move. Of course there will be setbacks, of course there will be waiting, of course there will be questioning for direction, of course the answer will sometimes be no, but that doesn't mean that He's not listening, it's part of our spiritual journey! Just because He might not answer in the way I want, doesn't mean He didn't answer. Sometimes, we, or those people we are praying for, need to experience something else before God can answer that prayer. We just need to keep praying and trusting.

When my brother wasn't physically healed, I was so angry, and a lot of times, I still am angry, because I don't understand.  What I have come to learn though, is it's not up to me to understand, I need to trust that God knows what He's doing.  Although Logan wasn't physically healed, God healed his soul. He did more than heal his soul, He consumed it with Himself.  I can't even type right now I'm so overcome with emotion about this topic. God has spoken so beautifully through Logan that I am continually in awe at his power and grace. Logan's faith and his music bless my soul. It just downright sucks that he can't get out of that chair, but I 'll tell you what he can do, he can tell how God walks with him, and he can draw people into God's presence through his music, and he can be a testiment to the power of prayer.

So inconclusion (yes I am wrapping it up) "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young- read this this morning, God just knows sometimes doesn't he?

"Come to Me with all your weaknesses; physical, emotional, and spiritual. Rest in the comfort of my presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me."

So Lord take my weaknesses, my human doubts, and disapointments! May I rest knowing that nothing is impossible for you and that through you all things are amazing!

My challenge to you is to find your vision, your hope, and cling to it. Trust in Him who does immeasurably more!

Luke 1:37  Ephesians 3:20-21

About to Burst!

Psalm 63: 1-8

    ¹O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
         My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
         In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
    ²Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
         To see Your power and Your glory.
    ³Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
         My lips will praise You.
    ⁴So I will bless You as long as I live;
         I will lift up my hands in Your name.
    ⁵My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
         And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
    ⁶When I remember You on my bed,
         I meditate on You in the night watches,
    ⁷For You have been my help,
         And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
    ⁸My soul clings to You;
         Your right hand upholds me.

My heart is bursting at the seams right now with love for my God! Over the past few days I have seen Him moving in powerful ways! He has revealed Himself to me through multiple situations just this weekend, and I am in awe. He has shown me that He is moving, and He is working, and He is listening! Oh how He loves us! Oh how my soul thrills inside my chest at His amazing power and grace! My prayer today is that you too will see His glory and His power! That you will sing praises to Him all your days for His lovingkindess. Whenever I experience His power and presence like this, the first thing I want to do is shout "Oh God, YOU ARE MY GOD!"

Hallelujah! All praise and glory to Him who is able, and does IMMEASURABLY MORE! Have a blessed Sunday! All my love!

 

Psalm 1 Remixed

I read in a Beth Moore Bible study about the importance of praying scripture.  When I don't know what to pray, or how to pray sometimes, I look to HIs word and use the verses to speak when I cannot.

Psalm 1: A prayer in my own words. May this be our hearts desire!

Oh Father, may I find favor in your sight!
May I not be swept up in the way of sinners,
and may I turn a deaf ear to those who ridicule me!

Oh Lord may I delight in the beauty of Your word!
May my every thought be consumed by it!
Make me a grand tree, firmly planted, and soaking up Your streams of water!
May my branches produce a harvest of Your love,
And in seasons of draught, may my leaves not wither!
In all that I do Lord, may I prosper for Your glory!

Help me to be set apart from the wicked,
Those who are easily blown about by the wind,
For they will behold Your judgement, and will not enter Your kingdom!

Oh Lord you know the path I should take, each step planned,
Keep my feet on this road to life, and steer me clear of the pathway to death!

Not Today, Lord!

I was reminded today of something I read in my devotional a couple days ago.  Excerpt from "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. "You can have as much of Me and My Presence as you want, through thousands of correct choices each day." Wow! How often do we miss out? This inspired this little poem.

Not Today, Lord!

I’m told you’re there before I wake,

But I shrug you off, too many decisions to make.

Most mornings we talk, and we read Your word.

But then there are days Lord, where I don’t want to be heard.

On those days Lord, the ugly comes out,

And the me I’ve created, just wants to pout.

I don’t want to be happy, or be nice to them,

And pray for those people? Oh Lord not again!

I cross my arms and my expression will tell,

I’m not in the mood, so back off if you know well!

I know in my heart that my attitude needs some work,

But to humble myself? I’d rather keep being a jerk!

And then of course you do it, in your Almighty way,

You can’t  leave me alone just this one day!

I read in your word that I can’t hide from Your spirit.

No matter what I do I’m always near it!

Well that’s just great, but my hearing is selective,

And I can tune you out, and keep my perspective.

What’s that you say? I’m missing a grand show?

You had blessings, and whispers I needed to know?

I get it now, and I’m sorry for my icky heart,

When I choose to follow my path, I miss the best part.

I can experience Your presence in every part of my day,

But I’m missing opportunities when  I stumble my own way.

Please forgive me, and remind me every time I wake,

That treasure is awaiting me, for the right choices I make.

And in those moments when I act bratty, selfish, and throw a fit, 

May I be humble, raise up my arms, and let You pull me out of my pit!

Psalm 139:7-18   GOOD STUFF- Read It :)!

30 Days of Extraordinary

I have an amazing pastor. His heart is so tender toward all people, and his love for God and others radiates through his life and his sermons.  I am so blessed to get to see what God can and is doing through this man!

This past Sunday, he surprised me yet again.  To make a long story shot, our pastor had the congregation write down a prayer request on a notecard and turn it in.  We were to write down our request for him, and the same request on a card to keep as a reminder.  The purpose of the cards is this: for the next forty days (less now) he and we, are committing to pray for that need everyday until Ash Wednesday.  He stated that the time leading up to Ash Wed. is called "ordinary time" and that he wanted to make it extraordinary. So are you ready for this... he, personally, is taking all of those cards and spending time every single day praying for those needs. Guess how many cards he had as of Sunday...... 386! Wow! Can you imagine praying for 386 different needs every single day?! I get weary praying for my list, I can't imagine almost 400! But he's doing it, because he loves us that much, and he believes in the power of prayer. 

And so, today I want to challenge you to spend the next 30 some now days leading up to Ash Wednesday to pray for that hinderance, or that someone, what breaks your heart, that attitude, that "thing", consistently every single day.  Maybe get up a little early, use your lunch time, maybe clear out time right before bed, but spend a little extra time this next month concentrating on that request. I have people that I have been praying for years for, but for the next 30 days, I'm going to devote more time in prayer for them and trust that GOd is listening and He is moving.  In fact, I have already seen His hand at work! Glory Be!

Now, will all of the requests get answered? I don't know. Will it get tiring to pray for the same thing everyday? You bet. But no matter the outcome, I believe GOd will use that time to draw you closer to Him. He will begin moving in His mysterious, miraculous ways, whether the effects are what we have planned or not. Let Him guide your heart and your prayers this month, and feel His steady hand holding yours!

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

^{Matthew 21:21-2221} Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. ²² If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

1 Thessilonians 5:17

James 5:16

Mark 11:24


Even though I don't always know who reads this, I pray for you. God knows who you are, and I will pray that He will meet you and hear your cries! Love you all!

The Real Cinderella

Friday night was a magical night for me.  At 5:30 PM, Clinton and I ventured over to our church only to be greeted by a candlelit walkway, a drawbridge entrance, and an echanted world.  This wonderland was just waiting for the arrival of it's special guests; little girls and their daddys. One by one the girls arrived, wrapped in tule, satin, and topped with curls.  Each one beautiful, innocent, and special.  They confidently marched around their kingdom knowing it was a perfect fit. They giggled with fellow princesses, dined with thier kings, and twirled to their heart's content.  Yes, as I listened to disney tunes (Clinton got to sing them with a friend, a dream come true!) and watched these precious girls flutter about, so secure in their role and in their world, I prayed that this fairy tale would never end for them.  I saw in that moment, the fleeting life of innocence, and dreamed about that kind of freedom. Those princesses know who they are, what they're worth, and to whom they belong. How quickly our hearts forget.

Yesterday, I did not feel like a princess, in fact, most days I don't feel like a princess, and it is a constant  struggle.  Throughout my life I have chosen to believe lies about who I am, and my value. Whether consciously or not, I quit believing I was a princess a long time ago.  I started basing my self worth on other people and expectations, and quit listening to my King. I have struggled for years to find that princess again, and I don't think I'm alone.  This is no new revelation, women today, and even men, struggle to feel like a person of worth.  Somewhere between childhood fantasy and adult reality, we stop believing.  We stop believing we are good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, that we contribute enough, that we are worthy of anything more than peasant status.  Well today I have news for you, and for myself; we are enough. 

The Bible tells us that WE are Christ's bride! In Isaiah 61, we are a display of HIS SPLENDOR!
In Psalm 45, He is entrhalled by our beauty! In Galatians 3 and thoughout the Bible we are called God's children! If we are children of the King, then sister that makes us princesses (or princes)! Why do we let our insecurities, self doubts, worldly expectations, and lies keep us from accepting who we really are?! God's Kingdom is ours if we would just start believing that is where we belong! Now, I know this is all easier said than done, I have known for years that I am valued by God, yet knowing is different than believing. I want that to stop, I want to start believing that I'm a princess, living where I belong, and trusting who I belong to! I want to giggle with joy and twirl everyday, basking in the beauty of who I am!

Ladies (and men), I think that we need to start praying for a revival of our self worth.  I think that we get so bogged down with feelings of  unworthiness, in so many areas, that we can't see the beautiful princess God has underneath those old rags! So today I want to say a quick prayer for you, and may we begin asking God to change our perspective, to show us that princess still within!

Heavenly Father,
I love you, and I am so grateful for your love in our lives! Father forgive us for not seeing who we truly are in you! Lord your word says that we are beautiful in you sight! That you love us UNCONDITIONALLY! That means there is nothing we can do, or look like, or think, that would make you stop loving us! If we allow you, we can radiate your splendor!  Oh Father! May we start believing you! Please take our wrinkled, dirty garments, and replace them with a gown! I pray that all of us would remember that we are daughters and sons of a KING, and there is nothing more beautiful than a precious, innocent, radiant child! Thank you that you are able to take our insecurities and turn them into something beauiful! May we always remember that you take joy in your children, and that we are a part of that family! In Jesus Name.
Amen

Life just Stinks Sometimes

Today I must admit that my heart is heavy.  In the past 48 hours , we have lifted up prayers for several of our dear friends.  One who has been experiencing severe migraines, another whose mother was life flighted for liver failure, and yet another who lost a dear friend to a battle with cancer- leaving a wife and small children behind.  As I think about each of these situations, I am lost in questioning why. Why does God chose to answer some prayers, and others He does not?  There is still hope for a couple situations, and yet for one the answer was a definite no. I don't understand, nor will I probably ever understand, why God let's heartache happen.  The Bible multiple times says that if anything we ask in His name, He will give us! And yet why did He leave those children without a father? A wife without her dearest love? 

My initial reaction is to be angry, and I think it's ok to be angry sometimes, it's human nature to question and not understand.  But, in times like this, I have to turn to His word for comfort and guidance.  I have to remind myself that my agenda is not God's, and that although I don't always like the outcome, His plan is bigger than my own. In James, we are told to consider it pure joy when trials come because these produce growth in our faith.  But, it is not easy to have joy in the midst of heartache.

As I was reading this morning God gave me this verse:
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Momentary troubles, they are but moments compared to eternity! I think God doesn't always answer prayer because He wants us to rely on Him. I don't think He doesn't answer as a form of punishment. If we got everything we wanted, then the His grace and peace wouldn't be so sweet! He wants us to focus on what we can't see, and have faith that He is working. I don't think when His answer is "no" that He didn't hear us, I think He wants us to listen and look for what He is doing and is going to do.  I think He gives us the tools to help ourselves and each other overcome trials, even if they aren't always what we are looking for!  In times like this, I am reminded that in ALL circumstances He deserves the glory. I am so thankful that I can go through trials with a God who loves me, hurts with me, and carries me when I can't go on! How much more devestating would it be to go through life without that hope of coming joy? I don't even want to begin to imagine that loneliness, and I"m glad I don't have to, because I serve a God who wants to show me the silver lining.

In closing: Would anyone be willing to share their thoughts on this? What has helped you through difficult times?  What have you learned through your trials and unanswered prayers?

May our God of peace and strength be with you today! Love :)

The Chocolate Covered Conviction Stick

I have a confession to make...yesterday I watched a bad movie.  Yes, had I been a few years younger, and called my mother to ask permission, she would have said a big NO. But, against my better judgment, I told myself "it's a true story, you're a big girl now, it's no big deal." Compared to some, it wasn't that bad, but it was still full of filthy language and allusions to sex. It had very little redeeming messages, and although it was fascinating, it was still something my brain could have done without.  So after yesterday's blog about renewing your mind, I was hit with the conviction stick that afternoon.  Why did I knowingly justify watching something that just inflitrated my mind with filth?  So today I got to thinking, worldly habits are a lot like special brownies. Let me explain.

In high school, my debate class (ha that was shortlived) had a white elephant gift exchange.  Now the gifts were supposed to be funny, but one girl (cough Megan Troyer) brought a beautiful plate of ooey gooey chocolate brownies.  They smelled like brownies, they looked like brownies, and everyone wanted to taste those brownies!  So after this prize gift was stolen and passed from one person to the other, one student ended up winning them.  We all watched longingly as they took that moist, soft brownie and took a big bite. But instead of murmers of pleasure, there were squeels of disgust. Alas, those weren't brownies at all, but chocoloate smelling playdough formed perfectly in disguise.  Needless to say, our other gifts began to look a little more appealing.

My point is this: there are things in this world that are very appealing.  They look like ooey gooey brownies, and we think we NEED them! Now some us will try them and immediately spit them out, because we realize that their gross.  Others of us will taste them and think we can stand that salty flavor and may think "Just one won't hurt us." And then others of us will completely disreguard their harm and continue to eat each and every salty, chalky flavorless brownie, because we can, because it's not "that bad" or because we want them so bad to be a real brownie. But no amount of playdough brownies will every satisfy us, and eventually, they will make us sick.
So my challenge to myself and to you is this: What kind of brownie eater are you?  I realized today that I think I can stand the salt just enough, but its not doing my body any good. What are you allowing to creep into your life disguised as ooey gooey brownies?  A movie? A T.V. show? A book? Music? A relationship? or is it deeper than that? Have you eaten the whole plate and your starting to feel the ache? 

Just as Romans 12:2 yesterday stated that we should not conform to the ways of this world, but we need to renew our minds daily, that includes our choice of desserts.  I don't know about you, but I don't like this lesson, it will be hard for me to give up on those brownies sometimes. But the next time we reach for that imitation brownie, just remember that God has an entire mountain of every scrumptious, decadent, mouthing sweet we could ask for, just waiting for us!
May we taste and see that the Lord is good!  Love you all!

How to Comment

So my mother has frustratingly called me several times because she was unable to post a comment.  After a little research I have discovered that I needed to change my settings.  This blog is now available to all people who want to post a comment.  Before, I guess you had to be a member.  So just a few directions:

Click the comment link at the bottom of the page. I believe you will be able to write and post now w/o having to log in. However, when the comment page pops up, you will have to select if you have a google account, etc. You need to select Anonymous if you don't and then it will post. Sorry this is annoying! If you want us to know who you are, please leave your name:).

If you want to read comments, I think that I have it set up where it will just show them with the post, but if not, then you just click on the link (at the bottom of the post) that says ex: 2 comments.

I hope this helps, and I hope to hear from you soon! Thank you all for being so supportive!

Seek His Face

Devotional Thought For the Day:

Psalm 105:4 "Seek the Lord and His strength. Seek His face continually."
Romans 12:2 (You're gonna have to break out your Bible or biblegateway.com for this one :)

"A renewed mind is Presence focused. Train your mind to seek Me in every moment, every situation. Sometimes you can find Me in your surroundings: a little birdsong, a loved one's smile, a golden sunlight. At other times, you must draw inward to find Me. I am always present in your spirit. Seek My face, speak to Me, and I will light up your mind."
-excerpt from "Jesus Calling" a daily devotional by Sarah Young

After yesterday's poem, I smiled a little when this was part of my devotions this morning. It got me thinking, how do I renew my mind daily? What can I do when my mind wanders, or I get bogged down with worldly thoughts, pressures, and conerns?  I think the biggest thing I can do is train my mind.  I don't think thought patterns like this come naturally, or easily. Just like we develop habits with eating, exercising, and daily routine, we need to develop the habit of seeking God's face.

Some practical ways to apply:
*Listen to Christian/Uplifting music
*Daily devotions/Prayer
*Take a moment to stop and praise Him
*Post scripture on notecards, labels, etc. so you can see it daily
*Talk to someone
*Write a Journal

I'm sure most of the above steps are not new revelations. I'm wondering if there is anyone who would be willing to share what they do to help focus their thoughts?

Have a blessed day in this beautiful snow!

Lessons from a Furry Friend: A Poem

Wake up this morning, the snow is fluttering down

The sidewalks are icy, there’s frost all around.

I shudder at the thought of getting out in what I see

So I snuggle up with a blanket, and decide on some T.V.

Then I hear it, the sound that snaps me back to reality,

It’s my whining furry friend whose really gotta pee.

I sigh and think, surely our patch of grass will be enough,

But after he’s tested that, he stares at me with a huff.

So needy, I think, as he follows me around,

He acts like he’s entitled to a bathroom with more ground.

“You should be grateful for that patch of grass” I say.

But apparently that’s not enough cuz he looks at me “that way.”

So I put on layer after layer, til I look like the Michelin Man,

And I tug on my big snow boots, and put mittens on each hand.

And all the while he’s belly achin’ cuz I’m taking a bit too long,

So I start to mock him, and whine back to him his own song.

He doesn’t think I’m very funny, though I quite think I am,

And when I’m finally ready, you’d think I’d brought out a prize ham.

He starts spinning in circles, and doing do-si-does,

And we’re off to the races, him with fur coat, I in my puffy clothes.

He jets out in the cold, as I try my best to keep an eye on that pup,

With all this freezing ice around I’m just trying to stay up!

He twirls and runs like he’s the fastest beast around,

And he’s not bothered one bit by the chill of winter on the ground.

So we begin our adventure out through what could be the North Pole,

And he so kindly decides to contaminate every bush, tree, and hole.

He runs about and sniffs the air and rejoices like a snow day child,

Those birds and sticks, they have no chance, as he goes completely wild!

And what am I doing? Standing under a tree to block the wind,

My face is frozen, I don’t think I’ll ever feel my fingers again.

But as I watch him, I’m struck by a peculiar thought,

Is it normal to be jealous of a furry creature that you’re not?

I see him run with no abandon, and his spirit is so free,

And I think to myself, for just one moment, I want that to be me.

He has no fear in this big white world, and he trusts with so much ease.

He has no worries, or cares, or heartache, he just enjoys the breeze.

And as I watch through the flakes freezing to my face,

I hear God say, “You can have that too, just look at this beautiful place.”

“I have brought you here, where you never knew you’d be,

So take a moment and enjoy all the wonder that you see.

The floating snowflakes, this grand old tree, the muted sky so high above,

I created all these things for you to enjoy, even that puppy that you love.”

"How often is that patch of grass not enough to be content?

And all the moaning about how you think it should have went!

You say you want to enjoy each day, never worrying like all the rest,

Then stop complaining and stop a while, I’m trying to show you my best!”

“So take a moment, and soak it in, you can have a life like that silly pup.

You have no reason to fear, for I am with you before you even get up!

You can put your trust in me, and give me your worries and your heart

For just as you watch over that dog, precious child, from you I will never part!

So I stood still, and watched His beauty as I listened to His voice,

And I realized in that moment, I always have a choice.

So from this day forward, I don’t want to envy my funny little dog,

I need to open my eyes each day and quit living in a fog.

For My God has saved me, and bestowed on me His amazing grace,

And I just need to learn to be still and find peace in the beauty of this place.