Saturday, May 28, 2011

A Visit to Joplin

Thursday morning at 5:30 AM, my mother and I joined Mid America and other surrounding Nazarene churches to travel to Joplin. We met up with the Carthage Nazarene Church, in Missouri, before continuing our journey. With such short notice, the churches assumed we'd have 200 volunteers...we had over 600. Loaded down with rakes, chainsaws, wheelbarrows, and sack lunches, our school buses were chatty and raring to go. As we entered Joplin, everything looked normal, no sign of irregular damage.  But just as quickly as we passed through the "normal," a hush fell as sighs of shock escaped our mouths and faces.  We had entered the devestation zone. 

Words cannot even begin to pen what beheld our eyes. On one side, everything so perfect, on the other, total chaos.  As far as the eye could see, in either direction, there was utter destruction. Our job for the day was to do as much damage control as we could. But in the end, our feeble attempts were but a drop in the ocean of this undertaking.  We never got away from it, the mess. It was everywhere we turned. Even as we layed our heads down that night, the images burned bright.

They say that there are 156 people still unaccounted for in Joplin, MO (as of Saturday morning). They say that 132 people have been confirmed dead. They say they can't identify most of them.

They say this tornado is classified as an E-5, the deadlist tornado recorded since 1950, with winds up to 200 miles per hour. They say it was a "mulitvortex" tornado, meaning it had smaller tornados circulating within it.

They show pictures. They share stories.  They can't begin to do it justice, and neither can I.

Yesterday I sat for an hour typing about my experience, trying to capture the horror through flowery words and descriptive imagery. But, alas, I deleted it. It felt empty and pointless.  I tried to recount how we spent hours seperating tree limbs from debris, or how we helped a pastor sift through what remained of his belongings. I tried to capture what it felt like to hold a woman named Laurie as she clung to me and we wept.  I tried to tell of the hope we felt as we saw signs sprayed on houses "We're all ok" and yet the despair that followed as rescue dogs combed the leftovers.  But I couldn't get it right. Those memories, now etched in my heart will remain forever, unexplainable, untouchable, unbearable.

I wanted to bring this post around to something hopeful, to pull God inspiration from this devestation, and   before I went to bed last night, He reminded me of what I could share.

That morning, as we drove into Joplin, this is what He said to me through the Jesus Calling devotional:

"In a world of unrelenting changes, I am the One who never changes. I am the Alpha and the Omega, The First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Find in Me the stability for which you have yearned.  I created a beautifully ordered world: one that reflected My perfection. Now, however, the world is under the bondage of sin and evil. Every person on the planet faces gaping jaws of uncertainty. The only antidote to this poisonous threat is drawing closer to Me. In My Presence, you can face uncertainty with perfect peace." (Scripture ref. Revelation 22:13, John 16:33)

We can't explain it, capture it, or understand it, but we can know that God is in the midst of it. May this be our prayer for Joplin as they start to rebuild. May we pray that they will know and be comforted by God's presence and that through all this uncertainty He will provide them with perfect peace.  So much devestation, so much loss, so much heartache, and not just in Joplin, all over the world.  May our hearts continue to lift up the hurting, and may we never take for granted all we hold so dear.

Among everything I learned, the most important was this- I truly can be the hands and feet of the living God, and so can you. In a hurting, dying world, the Bible says that we are to be Christ. If we have accpeted Him, He lives in us, and we reflect His glory. May we be more aware of the God we represent, the hope we can bring, and the love we can share.

To Him who is able to do immeasurably more be all glory and honor and praise.

Love.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Invisible Hug

My heart overflows yet again today. God is so good isn't He? Just when you least expect Him to reveal
Himself, He does so in such tender ways.  In light of my previous blog (about trust), the humaness in me is still struggling with decision making. This may sound strange, but I can think of no better way to explain what I felt today. There are times when God reveals himself to me, and I feel like He has reached down from heaven and given me a good tight squeeze...an invisible hug.  What comfort and warmth flood my soul when I feel God's presence so near, when I feel Him hold me tight and reassure my doubts. And oh how I felt that hug this morning.

May you read these words and be encouraged.

Micah 7:7

"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation.
My God will hear me."

What power, what beauty in these words! He is my God! He is my salvation! He has promised to hear me, and I will be faithful to watch with expectant eyes and open heart. Thank you God for your reassuring words of comfort this morning. Help me to trust and lean on You. Thank you for your saving grace and your unfailing love for this small speck of dust. To You be all praise and glory. Amen.

If you find yourself in need of direction this morning, if you are lost and confused, if you just need a spiritual hug, I pray that you would find comfort in these words. Hear the Lord speak to you this morning and rest assured that He does listen, and He will move. Love.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Sad, Gloomy Day

It is a gloomy day here.  The rain is softly trickling down, the sky is grey, and the wind is rustling the trees.  Just as the clouds hang heavy in the sky, so my heart hangs heavy in my chest. This morning I read a sorrowful message from my sister. She just found out that one of her childhood friends was diagnosed with cancer. This boy is only 23 years old, he is a father, a husband, a son.  So much life, and yet he must now cling to it by a thread as the cancer eats away.  What a tragedy. How do you even begin to pray in a situtation like this? I barely know him, how will my prayers be effective?  And yet in these moments I feel so close. II pray for healing, for comfort, for financial security, for his family. What more can I do, but trust that God knows and can work in any circumstance? My hope is that through all of this God will be glorified. My hope is that somehow he will know how loved he is, and that people are lifting him up to the Great Physician. How tragic that everyday people die without the peace of Jesus.

Today this got me thinking about how short life is. He is an example that no one is immune to sickness and death. Age doesn't matter, social status doesn't matter, your role doesn't matter, eventually we will all perish. This is very serious business.  My soul is desperately distraught for so many who  need to know the love of Christ. We have but a short time on this earth, and we need to make the most of it. Not by bungee jumping, or traveling across the world, or fulling crazy dreams, (those are all well and good) but by being the hands and feet of Christ. We need to be ready for that day when He calls us home.  We need to know that our home is secure in Him.  I so fear for my generation, and for so many countless others.

Matthew 24:44 44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

Whether Christ returns while we are still living, or whether we meet him with our dying breath, we cannot predict this encounter. Therefore, it is so important that we are ready, that our friends are ready, that our family is ready, that our coworkers, and aquaintances are ready!

This is a gloomy day. The rain still softly trickles down, the sky still grey, and the wind continues rustling the trees. And though my heart is troubled, I find something so beautiful, something so calming in the hush of this storm.  My soul is at rest for I know my Creator. He has called me by name. I am His. Whether I breath my last tomorrow or I meet Him in His glorious return, I rest assured that through the rain comes life, and I have that life abundantly. I pray that I will never forget to share that life, and that you too will live that life so free.

Love.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Lord, This is What I Think...

Hello friends! The blog site was down for awhile, and frankly, I just haven't been taking the time to post something.  After the slew of posts during Easter, I just haven't known what to post.  But, today, I read some good stuff, and I'm excited to share.

My life has been a bit confusing lately. Over the past few months, I have beem trying to seek God's wisdom and guidance for Clinton and I's future.  I've often found myself saying "God if you would just put a sign right in front my face, that would be super helpful." But He doesn't work like that does He? No, instead, we are trying to piece together the results of job opportunities, month to month baby anticipation, and church involvement opportunities/obligations. We are torn between two worlds, and we are wrestling with our own feelings and doubts. 

I am finding it very difficult to discern what God is calling us to do with our lives right now.  I definitely have my own opinions about how our lives should go, and I find myself letting Him know all the time.  Do you ever do that? Give God advice about what you think should happen? I don't only do it in my personal prayers, but even more so in my prayers for others.  "Oh Lord, if you would just do this! Or I'm pretty sure that if that would happen, then this would be the result. Why can't you just see that my way makes sense?!" Today I ready something refreshing, and it put me in my place.

Romans 11:34-36
34 For who can know the Lord’s thoughts?
      Who knows enough to give him advice?[a]
 35 And who has given him so much
      that he needs to pay it back?[b]
 36 For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.

Wow. Who am I to give the Creator advice?  Have I given "so much" of myself that I feel entitled to a reward? Ha! I hope I never feel that way, for I know I can never do enough to deserve anything that God gives me! Today I needed to be reminded about the awesomeness of God. I can only hope and pray that His Spirit will guide me, will give me discernment, and wisdom.  His ways are higher than mine, and I am in no position to offer Him advice. Ultimately, He knows our hearts, and He knows just what we need. 

Today I needed to step back, shut my trap, and just let Him lead. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that God has already taken care of us thus far, and His plan is always sweeter than mine. 

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word,
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know thus sayeth the Lord

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus,
Oh for grace to trust Him more.

Amen! May this be our prayer and our song. Love.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mommy Market

Disclaimer: I understand that in this fallen world we live in, not everyone is blessed with a wonderful mother.  This is for those who have good moms, for those that are moms, and for those that have mother figures in their lives.  If you've never experienced the love of a mother, my heart breaks for you, and I pray that you will experience that love through Christ.

Growing up, my siblings and I used to watch a movie called "Mommy Market." I only remember bits and pieces, but the gist was the main characters decided they didn't want their own mom anymore, they needed a new one. So, they get to magically go to the "Mommy Market" where every type of mother is on display.  Each child (there were 3) got to pick a new mom to try out with their family dynamic.  The only mom I remember them trying out was in the circus, but there were mothers of all occupations and likings.  We always thought this movie was so cool...a whole warehouse full of any kind of mom you wanted..ones that wouldn't make you do chores, or yell at you..ones that gave you anything you every wanted...etc. I mean what kid wouldn't like to try a new mom on the right day? (ha what mom wouldn't give to have a "kid market" on the right day as well) In the end, the children realize that even though all of these moms are really cool, they just don't fit.  The "new" moms turn out disasterous because they aren't "their mom."  Isn't that what Mother's day is all about? Realizing and appreciating the woman in your life that is YOUR mom?

My mom may not run a circus (Thank God) and she's certainly whipped my butt a few times (well deserved I'm sure) and I have heard the word "no" plenty, but I wouldn't trade her in for anything...she just...fits.  There's something so tender and comforting about the word "mom" for me. It pierces to the heart of my soul and conjures up a well of emotion and feeling. One of my deepest desires is to be a mom because I've had such a good one.

I wanted to write something so beautiful today about moms, and what they mean, and how much I appreciate mine, and my mother-in-law (yah I got blessed with 2 great moms!) but how do you put down into words just what they mean to you?  How can you bottle up all the years of wiped noses, tears, laundry, meals, laughter, and lessons and do justice to the magnitude of your gratefulness? Sure, we try every year through cards and gifts, but I have yet to think of a way to manifest this deep feeling of admiration and love and physically allow her to feel it..to know what I truly feel. 

So as I was thinking about moms, and just how special they truly are, I thought about none other than the love of Christ. My heart is welling within as I type these thoughts. 
A mother's love begins before you enter the world. It starts before you even have a heartbeat.
A mother's love pours itself out for her children.
A mother's love wants only the best for her children, even if it means disciplining them sometimes. 
A mother is the picture of a servant..giving herself, her time, for her family.
A mother's love knows just what their child needs and just how to help.
A mother's love comforts, soothes, and teaches her child. 
A mother's love rejoices, laughs, and experiences life with their child. 
A mother's love forgives..reaching to thier child no matter what they have done, no matter who they are, and no matter how little love they get in return.
A mother's love offers grace.

What is a mother's love like? None other than the deepest, widest, longest, highest, unconditional love of Christ.  What a beautiful gift from God these mothers of ours. What an amazing reminder of His love for us. I can't help but weep tears of joy and thankfulness as I reflect on this wonderful thought.  Even in a dark and fallen world, Christ's light and love shines brightly whether we chose to believe in Him or not. The truth is Christ is right in front of us..taking care of us..crying with us..teaching us..and loving us..all in the form of that beautiful, amazing woman we call...mom.

Thank you to all the mother's and women who serve as mothers, for your love and your grace and your servant hearts. You'll never know the impact you truly have.  Have a beautiful, joyous, Mother's Day. 

Today it's finally all about you. :)

Love.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Control Freak

I am a checklist person. I either physically make checklists, or I am mentally making checklists.  My brain is constantly organizing and reorganizing my schedule to figure out the most efficient way to get the most out of my day. I hate wasting time...there's too much to do to just sit around.  Albiet, in the evenings I can relax with Clinton, but this is about the only time I let my brain and body just zone out. But, even then I'm already thinking about what else needs to be done, and about the next day's agenda.  On one hand, I am thankful for this ability because it can be very beneficial. On the other hand, it can be completely exhausting.  And this is where I find myself today.

 I have a half-day job this afternoon, and plans for this evening, so I have been spending my morning trying to find the "perfect" mental schedule of my day.  However, first on the list is devotional time.  I sometimes find myself marking off the other items on my  "to do" list  first, just to push off devotions/prayer time, because that time requires me to be inactive. I also think "if I just get this one thing done, then I'll have time to spend in devotions." Funny how that checklist never seems to be "done".  It is also very difficult for me to concentrate sometimes while I"m reading the Bible or praying, because I am constantly thinking about what I could be accomplishing.  I hate this..this is where it becomes exhausting because then I feel like a selfish, half-hearted Chrisitan, just putting my time in.  Lately, I've been in a bit of a funk, just battling my schedule and my God time. 

I read this today:

"There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My Presence with you.  This continual contact with Me will keep you in my Peace. Moreover, I will help you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now, and what does not. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances) but on what is unseen (My Presences)" Jesus Calling
Verses Referenced: Isaiah 26:3 and 2 Corinthians 4:18

Hello, Courtney! I ultimately know, from experience, that when I surrender my time and my thoughts fully to God, I end up being refreshed, re-filled, and actually accomplishing more than I intended. Why is it that surrendering is so difficult for us!? I know that surrender is the answer to my exhausted state, because when I surrender, His peace and calm always follow. Yet, I constantly battle this.  If your like me, a checklist, "to do" kinda person, then I pray today you would find just what you need in those words.  I know I need to block out my schedule for a few moments and just pray.  Pray that my mind will focus on Him, pray that my thoughts will become His, and pray that throughout my day HE will direct my checklist.  I already feel a little better :).  He is so good isn't He? 

Thank you Lord for your peace that surpasses understanding, and for helping me to see you instead of my circumstance. I am so thankful that I don't have to be in control all the time, please help me to remember that and to release it all to You!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Just Breathe

Easter is over, the eggs have been found, the candy is still being eaten, and our rejoicing has lulled.  Every year we enter into this season, journey through lent, relive the crucifixtion,celebrate the ressurection, and then we go on. We go on like we do any other holiday. We tuck our decorations and our anticipation away until the next one comes along, and return to our daily routines.  Well, I've just got to say, people, the resurrection doesn't stop on Easter..it's just the beginning!  Christ's death on the cross and resurrection made it possible for us to live free from sin and death..to have new life. 

After Jesus rose from the dead, He appeared to his disciples, and stayed on earth for forty more days!  During this time, He tried to prepare his disciples for what was to come, and He commissioned them to go into all the world preaching this good news.  Just as the disciples were summoned, so are we!  Our ressurection story doesn't end on Easter, it continues every day of our lives. We are to embrace our new freedom and share it with others. 

I am so excited about this period of time leading up to Pentecost. The Ashes to Fire Bible study that I've been doing throughout the Lent/Easter season continues on up to Pentecost, and I am excited to learn more about what Jesus and His disciples did after He came back to life. I want to really dig into what He wanted us to learn from his return. God is already revealing new thoughts and scripture to me. I wanted to share a piece from what we talked about on Saturday.

After Jesus returned he appeared to his disciples in their hideout. While He stood among them, he said "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you." When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them "Receive the Holy Spirit." John 20:21-23 He goes on, but I want to stop here for today.  I LOVE this passage.  Jesus breathed on them and they recieved the Holy Spirit.  Sound familiar? When else did God breathe on someone? 

Genesis.

Genesis 2:7 "7 Then the LORD God formed a man[d] from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. "

In the beginning, God breathed his OWN breath into Adam, and he came to life.  Hundreds of years later, God breathed his OWN breath onto the disciples that they might receive...LIFE!  I just find this so exciting.  What an amazing thing for Jesus to do! What a beautiful way for God to bestow this new life..the power of the resurrection.  When we become Chrisitans, our old life is forgiven, dead, gone, and we get a new start, a new life, a new heart, we get to be born again.  Just as Christ confirmed this new life by breathing the Holy Spirit onto these disciples, we too receive this breath of life. 

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have recieved that new life. I can feel it. I have felt that breath revive my soul. I have felt that breath take broken, hollow, bitter, selfish holes and fill them with love, and with peace, and with life. New life..abundant life.  Paul puts it so beautifully:

Galatians 2:20
20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Hallelujah! I'm so thankful that all I have to do to remember who I am is just breathe.