Control Freak

I am a checklist person. I either physically make checklists, or I am mentally making checklists.  My brain is constantly organizing and reorganizing my schedule to figure out the most efficient way to get the most out of my day. I hate wasting time...there's too much to do to just sit around.  Albiet, in the evenings I can relax with Clinton, but this is about the only time I let my brain and body just zone out. But, even then I'm already thinking about what else needs to be done, and about the next day's agenda.  On one hand, I am thankful for this ability because it can be very beneficial. On the other hand, it can be completely exhausting.  And this is where I find myself today.

 I have a half-day job this afternoon, and plans for this evening, so I have been spending my morning trying to find the "perfect" mental schedule of my day.  However, first on the list is devotional time.  I sometimes find myself marking off the other items on my  "to do" list  first, just to push off devotions/prayer time, because that time requires me to be inactive. I also think "if I just get this one thing done, then I'll have time to spend in devotions." Funny how that checklist never seems to be "done".  It is also very difficult for me to concentrate sometimes while I"m reading the Bible or praying, because I am constantly thinking about what I could be accomplishing.  I hate this..this is where it becomes exhausting because then I feel like a selfish, half-hearted Chrisitan, just putting my time in.  Lately, I've been in a bit of a funk, just battling my schedule and my God time. 

I read this today:

"There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My Presence with you.  This continual contact with Me will keep you in my Peace. Moreover, I will help you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now, and what does not. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances) but on what is unseen (My Presences)" Jesus Calling
Verses Referenced: Isaiah 26:3 and 2 Corinthians 4:18

Hello, Courtney! I ultimately know, from experience, that when I surrender my time and my thoughts fully to God, I end up being refreshed, re-filled, and actually accomplishing more than I intended. Why is it that surrendering is so difficult for us!? I know that surrender is the answer to my exhausted state, because when I surrender, His peace and calm always follow. Yet, I constantly battle this.  If your like me, a checklist, "to do" kinda person, then I pray today you would find just what you need in those words.  I know I need to block out my schedule for a few moments and just pray.  Pray that my mind will focus on Him, pray that my thoughts will become His, and pray that throughout my day HE will direct my checklist.  I already feel a little better :).  He is so good isn't He? 

Thank you Lord for your peace that surpasses understanding, and for helping me to see you instead of my circumstance. I am so thankful that I don't have to be in control all the time, please help me to remember that and to release it all to You!