Festering Bugs

Fear. Worry. Doubt. Three words that we would all like to smush like an irriating bug-never to bother us again. Unfortunately, these three words linger- in the corners of our minds, in the crevices of our hearts, and if we aren't careful, they will devour us. Our humanity naturally feeds these feelings, so how do we find the strength of overcome these festering bugs?

Max Lucado tells of a time when his two-year daughter experienced fear. He recalls a time when she fearfully clung to him over something that would only be scary to a two-year old. He then goes on to beautifully parallel her trust and ours.

"And because she knows me, she trusts me. Instinctively, she is aware that I know more than she. So when I tell her not to worry, she doesn't worry. Instinctively, we should know that God knows more than we do. Common sense would tell us that He isn't afraid of the mice that roar in our world.... He's been there before. He knows how these shows end. He knows that the worst fear the foe can throw is only a mirage. And He wants us to listen to His voice and trust Him- as Sara trusted me...." (from Tell Me The Story)

In reflecting on fear/worry this morning, my first instinct was to think "We'll I don't fear much. I'm not afraid of the dark anymore. I'm not paralyzed by irrational fears. My life is pretty cushy, so what do I have to fear?" And then, after careful consideration, God showed me where my fear lies...in my inability to control every situation and everyone around me. Not that I want to be some crazy dictator, but we all know it would be nice to be able to make situations and people's hearts sway the way we think they should go. I fear my inabilities. I fear the salvation of my friends and family. I worry about the happiness and fullfillment of my loved ones. I fear losing my comforts and those closet to me. I realized I'm not immune to fear, it there, hidden, unspoken, and festering in my mind.

Proverbs 3:5-
⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
How do we combat fear? We trust in God. We listen to our instict that tells us to run to Him. We can't lean on what we know, for our understanding is so limited. We have to trust that God knows. Those things that I fear, I have no control over. Thus, my greatest fear is the lack of control in my life.  How often do our fears steem from our need to control and lack of surrender to God? 

Isaidh 26:3-4
³ “The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.
⁴ “Trust in the LORD forever,
For in ^[a]GOD the LORD, we have an everlasting Rock.

If we can learn to guard our hearts and minds, and fully surrender our fears to God, guess what? He will listen.  Isaiah says if we do these things, He will give us perfect peace. This is all easier said than done. Surrendering isn't a one time deal, it's daily, it's a process. But God will be faithful to give us what we so long for...a calming, perfect peace in the face of our enemies- fear, doubt, and worry. Have a blessed day knowing that God is in control, and He knows the end of our stories.

A Dad's Job is Never Done

Dad's have a big job, or at least my dad does. All my life he has been the source of finanncial stability.  He has worked, and continues to work, to provide above and beyond my family's needs. Income, employees, bills, and a family all fall on his shoulders. He's been the disciplinarian, the goofy dad, the best shopping partner, the silly story teller, our personal "fix everything" man, and inside a giant living teddy bear.  Over the years, my dad has experienced job highs and lows. He knows the weariness of traveling, and the burden of provision. He has lived through moving his city-fied children and wife to small town America and back again.  He has survived the upbringing of 3 hormonal teenage GIRLS, (which is a miracle in itself), and the marriage of his first born. His heart's broken over the poor choices his children have made, and yet has rejoiced when they've returned "home."  He watched as his only son suffered the unimaginable, and graciously helped him, and our family, adapt to a new way of life.  He has remained faithfuly married to my mother for 28 years, and most importantly to God.  Looking back, I doubt his life was anything he imagined it would be, but he's stuck with us through it all. Yes, I'd say my dad has had his work cut out for him over the years, and his job is far from over.

On this Father's day, I can't help but think about the big job God has too.

Over the years, God has provided time and time again for his children. He supplies them with more than they will ever need. He has watched as his children have grown, and has journeyed with them as they move and adjust to life.  He has remained faithful to his children throughout the entirity of their lives.  He goes before them and prepares the way, making sure they are safe and secure.  His has watched as his children have suffered, and has provided healing, comfort, and help to adapt.  His heart has broken at the poor choices his children have made, and yet rejoices when the lost return home. His love has no bounds, and his compassion never fails. He's the disciplinarian, and yet the tender hug of a giant teddy bear. Our lives constantly twist and turn, and yet God sticks with us through it all. Yes, God has an even bigger job to do, and I'm so thankful that He's never done.

Today, as I reflect on who my dad is, and all that he has done for my family, I am completely overwhemled and blessed. I have been so fortunate to have a good dad. My heart breaks for those who have never known the love of a good father, but my prayer is that we will all know the love of our Heavenly Father. I have experienced the love and grace of not only an amazing earthly father, but most importantly, my Heavenly Father as well.  This might be a little cheesey, but God- Happy Father's Day- I'm SO blessed, and thankful to be called your beloved child.

Spontaneous Occurance Phobia

Over the past week my life has changed dramatically. Actually, it all took place in less than 24 hours. On Wednesday at 3:00PM, I went in for an interview and by Thursday at noon, I had a signed contract with Sunnyside Elementary in Dodge City. On Wednesday evening, I recieved a phone call from the principle hinting that I may have secured the job. My reaction?  Uncontrollable sobbing... head in the pillow...tears and snot streaming down my face..and screaming "Why! I KNEW you would do this to me God!" In that moment, all of my fears about the near future had come true. In 6 weeks I am now going to leave my family, my home, my little walking park, my church, my comfort, and move it all out to Southwest,KS. The location doesn't so much bother me, it's what I'm leaving behind. Oh, and this little tidbit...my little classroom is going to be filled with 25, mostly Spanish speaking, challenging, just learning to read, little first graders...and I have to be ready for them in about 2 months. I don't think I have fully wrapped my mind around this situation.  It is complete craziness at it's finest..especially for a person with a spontaneous occurance phobia.

After my complete hysterical breakdown, I pulled it together and am trying to accept the situation.  Yes, we have been wanting to move back to the SW to raise our family, I just didn't think it would be in 6 weeks. Yes, I would like a full time teaching job, I just didn't think it would be 1st grade! Yes, I would like to have a little house and a yard, I just didn't think it would be with my inlaws at first. Having said all of this, I have definitely had my idea of what this move would look like, and how this situation should have played out...but apparently God had a different idea.

For the past, year or so, and specifically the past six months, Clinton and I have been praying about this potential move. As stated in previous blogs, I was constantly confused about God's leading. I was having difficulty discerning what His "will" was for our future. Today I wanted to share this from Francis Chan about God's will.  It was shortly after I read this, that things began to fall into place.

"I think a lot of us need to forget about God's will for my life. God cares more about our response to His Spirit's leading today, in this moment, than about what we intend to do next year. In fact, the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now, in today's decisions. It is easy to use the phrase "God's will for my life" as an excuse for inaction or even disobeidence. It's much less demanding to think about God's will for your future than to ask Him what He wants you to to in the next ten mintues.  It's safer to commit to follwing Him someday instead of this day.  We are scared to make mistakes, so we fret over figuring out God's will. We wonder what living according to His will would actually look and feel like, and we are scared to find out. We forget that we were never promised a twenty-year plan of action; instead, God promises multiple times in Scripture to never leave or forsake us. God wants us to listen to His Spirit on a daily basis..."

Wow. I spent a lot of time thinking and questioning and talking about the right decision, and I neglected to just listen to the Spirit's leading right now.  I believe I did this out of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of my inabilities, fear of being uncomfortable, fear that MY plan wasn't the right one.

I can honeslty say God has led to me this position.  It is bittersweet. I am excited, sad, and scared. However, I have a peace and an assurance that confirms my decision. This is not my ideal situation, I don't feel comfortable or capable. But, this is a moment, where I feel that I am doing exactly what God wants me to do, and I have to trust that He will supply what I lack. This will definitely be a year of learning and leaning on Him, for I will only survive through His strength.

I hope that if you are struggling with constantly "seeking" God's will, that you will find encouragement and truth in Francis'words. I pray that you will experience the peace that comes from listening to the Spirit's call.

It's not about the future..for that is not guaranteed....it's about right now.

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Love.

Kaleo

Matthew 28:18-20(NIV)

¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age"

My sister-in law, Kayla, and her cousin, Taylor, are actively living out this verse.  As of right now, they are spending their summer in Florida with a ministry called Kaleo.  Kaleo's mission is to bring together college students from all over to spend a summer learning how to be and make disciples.  I don't know all of the details, but I do know that the students are split into groups. These groups live together all summer, get jobs in the local community, attend regular in-depth Bible studies, weekend conferences, group sessions, and training.  Every Sunday, the groups also are paired off to actively engage in face to face evangelism. This is where the students go out each Sunday into the community, the beach, the walkways, and engage people in a conversation about faith and Christianity. The ultimate goal is to preach the gospel, and change lives.

I had the privilege of talking with Kayla about her experiences thus far, and I wanted to share a little about our chat. Now, again, I don't have all the details, but I hope to get the main point across because it's pretty awesome.

During one of the beach evangelisms, Kayla and her partner began engaging a girl (we'll call her Sarah) in conversation about faith.  They use what's called the "bridge" approach, and if I try to explain it all, I will completely mess is up. But, it's Biblically based, and the students have training on how to approach people and get them talking and thinking about sin and grace. So anyways, Kayla and her partner talked for a while to Sarah about Christianity and sin. Sarah was selling icecream at the time, and Kayla was concerned that Sarah would get distracted, and eventually end the conversation.  However, come to find out, Kayla's partner had been praying the whole time that Sarah would stay focused, and that Holy Spirit would keep her engaged.

Well, it worked. At the end of their conversation, they asked her if she would like to accept Christ....and she said YES! Praise Jesus! Hallelujah! I just find this completely fascinating and amazing! Here these students put themselves out there, in probably an awkward and intimidating situation, and now look..the angels are rejoicing in Heaven over this found sheep..and the story gets better....

The girls prayed with Sarah, and she accepted Christ!  Sarah then expressed that she thought she worked with someone from Kaleo. And, sure enough, another girl from the group did work with her.  Later, when Kayla told this coworker what had happened, she freaked out. Apparently the Sarah had been extremely intimidating to this other Kaleo memeber, and she was overjoyed and in awe that she had accepted Christ.  The girls are now in the process of setting up a Bible study with this new sister in Christ.

Wow. So many things factor into the awesomeness of this story, and I know I don't do it justice. But, God used these willing hearts, gave them words, and strength to minister for Him. Not only did He lead them, but He had a support system for this girl already in place! How Amazing!

This whole idea/program is so amazing and wonderful to me, but also intimidating.  It's a scary thought to put myself out there and boldy approach citizens about their faith.  I, for one, don't even know how I would begin, and I wouldn't want to "inconvenience" anyone. However, Kayla's story shows that people are more willing to talk than you think, and that the Holy Spirit will always do His job. :) Not all of her envangelizing has been successful, but for the most part, she has found it easier than expected, and people are very open and willing to share and talk. And, not only are they beach evangelizing, but they are learning how to minister to in their job situations as well.

I am so impressed by the willingness of these young people to go and stretch themselves, to be used fully by God, and to grow in their relationship with Him.  It gives me hope for the future, and challenges me to want to dig deeper.  I hope today you were encouraged by this account, and that you will lift up the whole Kaleo experience, the students, the directors, and the community, that God will move in powerful ways in Panama City, Florida. The students will be there until the end of July, I believe. Can you imagine what God will do in that amount of time?! So exciting.

I hope today that we will all be challenged to live out those words "Go and make disciples." We don't have to be on the beaches of Florida, or put ourselves completely out of our element. We can disciple those we see everyday..a coworker, a neighbor, a friend. Today I take comfort and encouragment in seeing the Holy Spirit work, and I know that He alone can give us the strength to overcome our fears and bring glory to God if we will just listen and obey.

Silly Little Flock

In the past 24 hours, my summer job concerns have subsided. In fact, God has blessed me, once again, in this area. However, also in the past 24 hours, I am now faced with a new job dilema.  A few weeks ago, I applied for a 3rd grade teaching position in Dodge City. Clinton and I had decided that if the answer would determine the location of our lives for the next year.  The answer was no, and I thought it was settled.  However, yesterday I got a call from a principle out there for a 1st grade position that I didn't even apply for. He said he'd seen my application in the district, and that I had been recommended, and that he wanted to set up an interview. Wham.

Now what? First let me preface- after subbing for almost 2 years now, primary is NOT my area. But now, I have this opportunity pursuing me! What do I do!?  I find it SO difficult sometimes to discern what I'm supposed to do in serious situations like this! Come on God! Give me a sign! Am I limiting myself and God because first grade is not my "comfort zone," or is there a reason first grade is not my strength-because I don't need to be in it! AHHHHHH! Just when I think we've got it all figured out, my summer off to a good start, my church duities in full swing, and now this... sigh. My brain is on overdrive right now. 

I went to sleep last night, thinking, praying about it. I somehow knew I'd get a talking to in the morning. And this is what He said to me:

First, my one of my scripture readings was on the worry passage in Luke.
Luke 12:29-31
"And do not seek what you will eat, and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. But seek His kingdom, and all these things will be added to you. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen to gladly give you the kingdom."

And then in Jesus Calling:
"The peace that I give you transcends your intellect. When most of your mental energy goes into efforts to figure things our, you are unable to receive this glorious gift. I look into your mind and see thoughts spinnning round and round: going nowhere, accomplishing nothing. All the while, My Peace hovers over you, searching for a place to land .

And Lastly:
Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

I have to smile at the line in Luke "Do not be afraid little flock." I love the visual, and the reminder, that I still a little sheep, always being lead and protected by my shepherd, no need to worry. And then in Jesus Calling, a reminder of His peace. Boy did Sarah Young hit it on the head..my thoughts are spinning but getting me nowhere.  How I need to refocus on God's presence, and let His peace soothe my restless soul. And finally, the last one, the biggie for me.  When I first read it, I felt calm that He would help me figure out what to do. But, as I typed it, I read it differently "Do not fear this opportunity, I will help you."

God is so amazing. I'm so thankful that I know I can turn to His word for guidance and comfort. I still have a lot to think about, and my humaness is still battling within, but this morning I have truths to stand on and to remember. Stepping out in faith can be so scary, but today God reassured me that I have no reason to fear, for He is providing for this sheep, offering it peace, and holding her hand.

If you are facing decisions, difficulties, if you just need some encouragment this morning, then I pray His word would speak to you, and that you too will remember your Shepherds voice.