Whispers: A Poem

I finished ready Crazy Love, and if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. This book as challenged me in many ways.  To be honest, it kind of scares me to think about what I feel I need to change in my life.  I would like to post about what I have been learning later, but for today, this free verse poem speaks to what I've been wrestling with in my soul.  Am I going to really start letting God have complete control? Or am I going to stay comfortable with this easy life of flowery words and fuzzy feelings?

Heart constricting, thoughts running wild

Fear consumes me, just make it stop

Toss and turn, can’t turn it off

The darkness suffocates me, is it really worth it?

All I know is what is in front of me

Each step taken so carefully, comfort at every turn

Just close enough to see, but not enough to leap

I proclaim with my mouth, this grace so amazing

Yet in my heart I fear surrendering to the call

To release my grip, to stumble through shadowed halls

Narrow is the way, and few will pass

Will my footsteps lead me there?

Take off this mask and look in the mirror

A lifeless, trembling  charade sneers back

Jaded, prideful, self-righteous at best

A whitewashed tomb rotting below

To take up my cross means losing it all

Will I be able to bear it’s load?

Father, your whispers are harder to hush

Please help me to uncover my ears

In my perfect world of cushioned dreams

My soul will ever be parched

For try as I may, this thirst will not be quenched

Lord, pick me up, carry me through

Take this trembling decaying flesh

And lead me with your steady hand

You filled my lungs with breath and told my heart to beat

Who am I to tell the musician how to play?

Take this life of rigid notes and compose Your melody

For in my weakness You supply my strength

Help me release this controlling insecurity.