I had a long cute intro about teaching this week (which is an answer to prayer in itself), but I erased it because I feel I need to get to the point. So, I apologize in advance at the length of this one, but it's been a while since I've posted and I've got a lot I wanna get out!
So here goes:
On Sunday I blogged about the immense joy I felt from seeing God move and answer prayer. Well my joy has yet to cease! In the past 4 days, I can say that He has either answered or has reveled Himself in at least 5 major prayers that I can think off the top of my head, and that doesn't even include the little stuff I've seen Him doing! It's like He opened the heavens and said "Ok Courtney, get ready, here comes a bucket of blessing and love!" My heart has just wanted to burst these past few days! Now I can be quite a crier, and my family can atest to the fact that when I get the "Praise Jesus" bug, I started wavin my hands, and fanning the tears on my face, because I just can't contain my excitement! Well there has been a lot of hand waving, tear crying, hoopin and hollering from me lately, and I'm PUMPED! When I see God move, I am filled with such an empowering feeling, like my dreams really are going to come true. That all my prayers and desires are right within my reach and NOTHING can stop me and God now! I want to pull on my armor and start leading the army for I am fearless in these moments! I'm like a child on Christmas day wide-eyed and tickled at the sight of my new toys and the adventures that they hold!
But just like the joy of Christmas day comes and goes, so does our rejoicing. Although my soul has been overflowing, I found myself preparing for disappointment. I kept thinking "this is great God, but now I'm afraid that the rest of the pieces won't come together." Although some prayers were immediately answered, some were only doors being opened, and I'm afraid that those doors will close quickly. I'm afraid that after all of this movement, that He's going to become silent, and my humaness doesn't want to wait anymore. I don't like rejoicing one minute, and then being fearful the next. Fearful that something bad will happen, that this is my only opportunity, that He's done enough for now, that He might just answer no next time, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being a pessimist about the power of God. What happened to my childlike faith?
When my brother had his accident, I would sneak downstairs at night, place my hands on him and BEG God to heal him. I would cry til exhaustion, and I would invision my outcome so ferociously that I just KNEW my prayers were going to physically heal him. But they didn't, and I started questioning the power of prayer. In these past few days God has brought this to my attention. He has told me to look at my unbelief and to get over it. What am I so afraid of? Has He ever not taken care of me? Even at my most gut wrenching, heart breaking, can't go on moments, He has been there, and His sweet presence and peace have gotten me through. Why am I so afraid of unanswered prayer? He has said no before, and yet He helped me survive. Just because He said no, doesn't mean He didn't move in a different, better way.
I'm tired of just believing when I see an outcome. I want to be a person of vision. Having a vision, and believing that God is, and will move one way or another, is what Faith is all about. I want to be on fire for Him. I don't want to pray and think well maybe it will get answered, but probably not. No, I want to believe that He will answer, and He will move. Of course there will be setbacks, of course there will be waiting, of course there will be questioning for direction, of course the answer will sometimes be no, but that doesn't mean that He's not listening, it's part of our spiritual journey! Just because He might not answer in the way I want, doesn't mean He didn't answer. Sometimes, we, or those people we are praying for, need to experience something else before God can answer that prayer. We just need to keep praying and trusting.
When my brother wasn't physically healed, I was so angry, and a lot of times, I still am angry, because I don't understand. What I have come to learn though, is it's not up to me to understand, I need to trust that God knows what He's doing. Although Logan wasn't physically healed, God healed his soul. He did more than heal his soul, He consumed it with Himself. I can't even type right now I'm so overcome with emotion about this topic. God has spoken so beautifully through Logan that I am continually in awe at his power and grace. Logan's faith and his music bless my soul. It just downright sucks that he can't get out of that chair, but I 'll tell you what he can do, he can tell how God walks with him, and he can draw people into God's presence through his music, and he can be a testiment to the power of prayer.
So inconclusion (yes I am wrapping it up) "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young- read this this morning, God just knows sometimes doesn't he?
"Come to Me with all your weaknesses; physical, emotional, and spiritual. Rest in the comfort of my presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me."
So Lord take my weaknesses, my human doubts, and disapointments! May I rest knowing that nothing is impossible for you and that through you all things are amazing!
My challenge to you is to find your vision, your hope, and cling to it. Trust in Him who does immeasurably more!
Luke 1:37 Ephesians 3:20-21
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