Today I am officially 37 weeks pregnant, and according to my Dr. that means baby is full term. I can't even begin to express the overwhelming array of emotions that branch from this news. I'm a walking ball of excitement, anticipation, humility, awe, and most of all NERVES. If Soph decided to join us today there is nothing the doctors would do to stop it....in other words D-Day upon us! I've had 9 months to prepare- 9 months to get all the necessary materials- 9 months to go from a waist to a beach ball- 9 months to accept that this is a blessing and God isn't taking her anywhere- 9 months to mentally prepare for the REST of my life to be changed...you'd think 9 months would be enough. :)
Yet here I sit- at a crossroads. On one hand there are so many things left for me to do...finish her bedroom (a baby can't come home to less than perfect right?), clean every inch of the house, prepare a hospital bag, make sure all neccessary care items are organized and in place, read and MEMORIZE what to do with a baby when she's no longer in my tummy, check off my to-do list that I won't possibly have time for when she comes, get a camera, practice using it.. the list goes on and on.
But on the other hand- I'm so excited, and I'm so ready. I'm ready for my body to quick aching and eventually go back to normal. I'm ready to quick getting kicked in the ribs and having to pee every 30 min. I'm ready to be allowed to lift things and not be told I should or should not do something :). But most of all I'm ready to behold this precious miracle that is beating within me. I'm ready to see her face- her eyes, her nose, her little fingers and toes- to see her daddy in her, to smell her sweet skin and hold her close..to see her smile..to see the heartbeat of a little life created out of pure love bestowed only upon us by a Gracious Heavenly Father. To know a new kind of love...
As I take all this in, I can't help but think about our relationship with God. (You knew I had to bring it around to Him eventually :) I have to wonder if I'm ready for Him. If He decided to open Heaven and come back tomorow..am I ready to go? Or do I have a few more preparations to make? Do I need more time.... Am I excited? Am I so in love with my Heavenly Father that I can't wait to see His face? To see His kind eyes, His gentle smile, to feel His warm embrace..To know a new kind of love..
Phillipians 3:12 says "I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be."
All the preparations in the world will never prepare me for that moment I hold my baby girl. But when that time comes I will be so glad that I tried to be ready. Instead of panic, I will be able to fully take in that moment and embrace the gift because I was ready to receive it. Being pregnant forever does not sound like a fun idea no matter how much time it buys me... neither does trudging through this imperfect life when I know a land of Glory awaits. Just as Paul kept striving for that final day, I too want to stand with him and know that I didn't just let my time slip by- that I was ready.
Oh what glorious day, Father, when we will see your face and hear to call us home! May our hearts tremble with anticipation, and may we be watching for Your return!
2 comments:
can't wait to see her precious face. oh and you don't need to memorize anything....you'll know just exactly what to do. :)
Beautifully written - and yes, we are all excited to welcome your little one. I loved your challenging ways of reminding us that we need to be ready to welcome JESUS when HE decides it is time. Love to you both and we are anticipating hearing the news of her arrival!
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