Welp almost 3 weeks after my last blog entry and still no baby. I guess all the nerves and panic over uncertainty were a little premature. Apparently this little girl enjoys where she is and isn't quite ready to make her entrance. My nervousness has now turned to impatience...I'm beyond ready now..it's like Christmas morning times 100000 and I'm stuck at the top of the stairs still waiting and waiting for my parents to give the ok to open my presents..but they just won't say the word...so here I sit hanging somewhere between nervous excitment/antcipation and the brink of insanity :).
And just when I think I'm about to crack, God decides to melt my heart and give me just that extra push of endurance.
Yesterday in Sunday school I recieved a much needed reminder. I've been so caught up in trying to guess when she's going to come, praying that she will come, doing everything I can possibly do to speed up this process, and yet I have forgotten how sweet this whole ordeal truly is. Yesterday we discussed the Ebenezar stone- When Samuel took a stone and set it out as a reminder to the Israelites- "Thus far the Lord has helped us." (1 Samuel 7:12) It was a reminder of what the had been through, where they had come from, and what the Lord had done for them. This is only one of several instances in the Bible where a stone or a marker is placed to stand as a reminder of God's goodness. In fact, I've talked before about my comfy red couch being a reminder to me..but yesterday was different. As I sat there listening and the question arose "What is your Ebenezar?" It hit me..like duh that's why you go it in the first place..but it's become such a part of me now that I often forget. My Ebenezar is tattoed in dark, black, script, permantely on my left wrist...Beloved.
I've wanted to do a blog about my tattoo for a while..why I got it, what it means, etc., but it wasn't until yesterday that the full impact of it's meaning hit me...and now it is time to share.
Janurary 2011, Logan and I went together to revceive our permant ink. We had been discussing the matter for quite some time and Logan had drawn several potential candidates. We had planned on doing it around Christmas time, but alas I was pregnant and we joked that it would have to be postponed.
Two weeks later I lost the baby, and in an attempt to distract my brain, our tattoo date was back on. I got my tattoo for two reasons- 1. To remind me of Logan, his strength, his patience, to connect me to him always, and to remind me of God's power in his life. That's why I had Logan design it and why we went together. The second reason, I thought, was simply because of what it says "beloved" which means dearly loved, and through my life I have seen how dearly loved I am. However that second reason took on a whole new meaning in the light of the tattoo's timing. After being utterly shattered, my heart in pieces, nothing could have been sweeter than to hear God say "child, MY beloved, how dearly loved you are...I know this hurts, but we will get through this.."
And get through it we did. Looking back at the time in my life, the loss of a baby, the heartbreak I endured, I wasn't alone- God carried me all the way. He gave me the strength to pull through. He gave me a husband and family to hold me, and He whisphered the words over and over.."Child you are my beloved."
And now, a year and a half later, on the eve of a new adventure, I look at my Ebenezar and sit in awe and wonder at how truly amazing and faithful God is. I shouldn't find it odd, because this is how God mysteriously works, but June 27 is not only the due date of my healthy baby girl, but also the date Logan is supposed to be recovered from this surgery- this 9 months of frustrating health problems. He will be recovered, and I will have a baby. God is so good. So today, as I sit, I am reminded once again of the dark ink still scrawled on my wrist...how far we have come..and how sweetly He still whispers "My child you truly are my Beloved."
May you find your Ebenezar and be reminded of what God has brought you through, and how dearly loved you truly are.
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