Awe-full

"Jesus calls us to simplicity, to listen. Don't be too quick to set goals or make arbitrary decisions about giving things up for Lent. Instead, maybe we need to start by giving up explaining what we think we need. More often than not, prayer should be more listening, less talking. Silence is golden, precious and hard to come by.
Jesus calls us to self-denial. Self-denial ultimately is just that: denying one-self in favor of someone (Someone) else's decision.  It is giving up my way and agreeing to go God's way. Often we think of self-denial as giving up chocolate or Facebook or some time-consuming pastime so we can be reminded of our purpose and spend more quiet time in prayer and meditation.  Probably that is a good start. Whatever the level of self-denial, all of them seek to bring us into harmony with God's purpose. God-inspired self-denial will create confidence in praying." Ashes to Fire

Even as I type this morning, and reread these passages, I am torn.  The past few days I have desperately been torn between my flesh and my spirit.  I find myself knowing that I need to heed the Holy Spirit, and empty myself, yet I want to do what I WANT. I am finding it difficult to find a balance..how do you take care of yourself and yet still give of your time, resources, etc.? Is that the point? That we need to get to a place where our own wants shouldn't matter? That our desires should not be for ourselves, but for others? I am struggling with finding a balance..or if there even is one! I feel I want to get what I want to do out of the way FIRST and then if I have time, use it to do for others.

The quote from above "maybe we need to start by giving up explaining what we think we need." really hit me. Maybe I should start giving up what I think I need and trust that God knows what I need more than I do. This, I fear, will be the biggest struggle of my spiritual journey.

I want to conclude with a prayer from "Devotions for Lent." I LOVE how truthfully the author speaks of our self-seeking, egotisical humaness, and how we desperately need to hunger for the Almighty.

AWE-FULL
Great and Holy God
awe and reverence
fear and trembling
do not come easily to us
for we are not
Old Testament Jews
or Moses
or mystics
or sensitive enough.
Forgive us
for slouching in Your presences
with little expectation
and less awe
than we would eagerly give a visiting dignitary.
We need neither Jehovah nor a buddy-
niether the "Great and Powerful Oz" nor "the man upstairs."
Help us to want what we need...
You
God
and may the altar of our hearts
tremble with delight
at
Your visitation
amen.
-Frederick Ohler

Resources:
I would highly recommend these if you are looking for something to "add" during these forty days.

Devotions for Lent from the Mosaic Holy Bible -This is a small book that includes quotes, thoughts, and daily scripture reading for each week of Lent. I found it at a Christian bookstore. I went through this last year and I loved it!

Ashes to Fire- Just starting this. It's is a little longer and more detailed. It has scripture and prayers for morning and night of each day of Lent. Then Sundays its has a devtional and reflective journal writing.  I'm excited to see what I will learn from this one. I'm not sure if you can get this online.. we ordered it through our church, but I know they have a website. ashestofire.com