Winter Snow

Wow. Hello blog, you look familiar.  Obviously, it's been a while since I have posted anything.  I must admit, I have been in a funk.  A big funk. I am trying, ok God is showing me, that I need to snap out of  it. Over the past few months, I feel like I've missed out on a lot of living because of my funk, my attitude, my selfishness.  At the end of the summer I was on fire. I knew this is where we were supposed to come. I felt a calling on my life, and though it would be challenging, I was excited to see what God was going to do.  Funny thing about God though, it's hard for Him to do anything with you if you aren't willing. 

I guess I was under some disillusion that because of my "obedience," I would come out here and miraculous things would start happening through me. Yah... 26 first graders and 5 months later..I'm still waiting.  And here's the thing I've known and realized all along, I've slipped. I've allowed myself to become too stressed out, too tired, too incapable, that I have dropped the ball spiritually.  I used to have a routine..breakfast, devotions, prayer..maybe a prayer walk all before my day got started. And now? I'm lucky if I motivate myself enough to mumble a few words to Him in before bed. Pathetic. Not only has this lack of discipline wrecked havoc on my attitude, but it branches out into all other areas of my life as well... I'm not writing. I'm not reaching out to family. I'm not reaching out to coworkers or my kids. I'm not growing. I'm not doing much of anything productive...I've gotten myself in a "whoa is me" funk, and as comfortable as that may be..I'm tired of it.  I feel empty, lonely, and stagnent. 

So after much Holy Spirit prodding, I gave up. I had a chat with God, and I found myself saying "I just want our relationship back! I want to know You again, I want to shine for you again...change me... forgive me...help me!!" I'm just so weary,and I know I cannot do this on my own.

Now you're gonna think this is strange to insert this right here, but this is my new favorite Christmas song, and I have a point. I'd like you to really listen to the words. 

Beautiful. I find myself listening to these words, tears streaming down my face, as I realize that this is exactly how the King of Kings still comes. Quiet, and soft, and slow.  How often I wish He would come in a burning bush, or a booming voice. That He would sweep in and do all these miraculous things for me. And yet, sweeter still, He choses to tenderly and gently fall upon our spirits like delicate snow.  Calming us, soothing us, enveloping us in a blanket of His peace and assurance. He's there all along, that voice still and small.

Recently my dad told me that he had been praying about a struggle of mine, and he prayed that God would come upon me gently like a soft snow fall, that He would just flutter down quietly upon me. How my heart tenders at this precious prayer and thought, for I now see that He still enters our hearts in such a beautiful way.  My prayer this Christmas season is that we will be still and allow His purifying, white snow to gently fall afresh on our hearts. 

Praise be to God for quietly fluttering down on a sinner like me.